How can you tell if a guy is serious w u

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
How can you tell if a guy is serious w u
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Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:47pm
How Can you tell if a guy is serious with you or just tries to get into your pants?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:54pm

Time (actually, consistent actions and words OVER time) is the best indication. Also, him being respectful enough NOT to push for sex if you've indicated that you want to wait is a good sign that he's at least thinking about you in a potentially serious way.

But it's really too fact specific to each situation to answer such a general question. What are the specifics of your situation?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:07pm

So basically just to let him wait?

Sometimes in the 2nd, or 3rd date, he asks to hold your hand or little kiss, should I allow him to do that? I am just afraid it might develop into the satuation that we can't control (like end up with having sex.........) or sometimes the guy would ask you to watch movies at his house, and who knows what will happen. How you guys handle the satuations like that?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:17pm

No, that's not the only thing...some guys really like the chase and will wait as long as it takes, but still only be after sex. You have to evaluate words, actions, the whole nine yards.

I personally don't have a problem with kissing or holding hands with someone and not proceeding directly to having sex with them, so to me that's a non-issue. If you really have trouble stopping yourself, then maybe it's best for you to avoid those things.

Same with him inviting you over to watch a movie. If you don't trust yourself enough to be able to say no, then don't go.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:16pm

I have found it nearly impossible to find out if a guy is serious about you based on one or a few traits/gestures or instances. Sometimes, I seriously want to give up on even trying to know because there are just too many variables and anything can change from week to week.

I've had to guy introduce me to his friends and roommates, wait to have sex, start talking about plans down the line, actually say he saw relationship potential with me, that he could fall for me and that he had feelings for me and somehow not one situation has lasted longer than 2 months and whatever 'feelings' they may have thought they had originally, just magically went away. I am convinced I can't even believe my eyes or the words that I hear anymore. I cannot tell anything anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:28pm
I guess he was not very serious with you. Don't know if he already got his sex part. But by just hearing what they say is not very acurate. I do know guys can say whatever we want to hear to get into the pants.....So the action matters. It also sometimes depends on us, if you already make your mind on no matter what they say to you, you control your own mind, hold sex until a good time ("when" I have no clue, but not too short time.........), I guess it's good way to "test" them out......
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:41pm

That's just the thing. This was several guys I'd mentioned, all willing to wait, or so they said, some did, some moved on, but they did say all the right things and their actions also seemed to echo their words. And yet, none of them lasted. So I can't tell through actions or words.

And another thing I've run across is just because he tells you he's willing to wait for you, doesn't mean he isn't getting sex elsewhere in the meantime. I hate that even more.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 5:15pm

It takes a heck of a lot longer than 2 months to know if you're potentially right for each other. I think you need to date someone for a good 4-6 months before you can even *begin* to have a sense of that (although you can certainly figure out that someone *isn't* right for you sooner than that). That's the kind of time I'm talking about (not necessarily waiting to have sex that long, but before you start thinking that a guy is right for you for the long run). That's a different question, in any event, from whether a guy just wants sex.

I think it's very normal for people to feel infatuated early on and then change their mind once they've gotten to know the person better (which doesn't mean that there's anything *wrong* with that person, it just means they aren't a good match). It seems to happen most often at the 2-3 month point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:20pm

Another way to tell is how he reacts if you propose introducing him to friends and relatives. If they have no interest in meeting the people in your life, I'd be concerned about his intentions. Some guys feel like this step is a way for the woman to lock them into a commitment, but I think it's a way to see how sincere he is and if he has anything to hide. I dated a guy who at first acted like it would be cool to meet my friends but everytime an opportunity to have dinner came up, he'd weasel out of it. After we broke up, I realized that he probably kept bailing because while he was able to fool me in the time we were dating, he realized that he might not be able to fool my friends. My current boyfriend did nothing of the sort--he's always open to meeting whomever I propose introducing him to. It was to the point that I worried he was too serious too soon, which was the case at the beginning, but I've had time to catch up.

That's my two cents--I think the serious ones want to know the people who are important in your life, while the insincere ones will weasel out of every chance to meet your friends and family.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:38pm

Eh, I've met plenty of unserious guys who had no problem meeting my friends and relatives and having me meet theirs ;-)! I think it's ONE possibile indication but not in and of itself. Or rather, it's a bad sign if it *doesn't* happen, but not necessarily a *good* sign if it does!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:43pm
Have to agree with Sheri on this one. With a college fling I had, I met his baby daughter the first week and his parents and brothers only days after. It was a purely sexual relationship.

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