How to change a lousy dating attitude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
How to change a lousy dating attitude?
3
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:43pm
For reasons I can't put my finger on, my interest in dating and finding a relationship at this point of time is almost non-existent and I'm having a hard time figuring out why. I'm 28 and have up until this point wanted someone to have a long-term relationship with leading to marriage but lately, I've stopped wanting that. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year but have managed to go out with a handful of jerks and losers in the last couple of years and I guess I sort of feel burned out from being hurt and disappointed. I also find that I get resentful of men who are too interested in me in the beginning and feel like they're trying to pin me down in a relationship too soon. I guess that being out of a relationship for some time, I've grown comfortable with being single and having my freedom and I think I've also raised my standards considerably. For example, I won't go out with men who are not my physical type because I feel resentful of them since I feel like there's women out there who are dating my physical type. I feel like every guy who likes me or I have something in common with is not my type physically and therefore I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm also on a dating site but think I should remove my profile because I don't feel motivated to meet the men who contact me or even email back and forth with them. I want to have an optimistic dating attitude but I feel so jaded from past dating experiences and resentful of men in general that I don't know how to change. It also doesn't help that I've gone through several simultaneous transitions in my life recently and I guess I'm stressed out because of all those changes. Do you think this is just a phase that will pass or does it sound like something I have to work hard on to change?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:23am

I'm pretty ambivalent about dating at the moment too.

Avatar for cute_queen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:34am
You are not alone. I am the same age and going through the same thing. Standards are higher these days so people (male and female) are deciding if I can't get everything I want why bother? The trap comes is that we are raising standards so high we are soon not going to meet each others' standards. My advice drop the standards or take down your profile on the dating site until you feel ready to reassess and begin again (i chose to do the latter).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 1:48pm
Yeah, I was going to take down my profile but this one guy contacted me just when I was about to so I decided to give it a go with him and then take my profile off after that. I am also going through a lot lately what with looking for a new apartment and car, graduating college and having people who I considered my friends in college not make an effort to keep in touch with me, and working long hours at a stressful job where I feel like I'm married to my boss since I basically have to take care of him. Maybe that's why I feel turned off by taking on another man in my life but I hope not or I might have to quit my new job, lol. I'm relieved that it might be a phase since you two are going through the same thing. I hope when I feel like my life is in order, I will feel readier to start dating again, and I think that will be in a couple of months.