How come?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
How come?
13
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 8:02pm

Has this ever happened to you ladies out there?

Boy meet girl. Boy chases girl. Boy likes girl. Eventually girl falls for boy. But then boy disappears.

This has happened to me one too many times. I don't really pay attention to the guy in the beginning when he's pursuing me (mainly because I'm usually clueless that he is even interested). Then when I finally realize what a great guy he is, the tables have turned and I find that I'm pursuing him or worse, he's gone onto someone else.

Weird.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:54am
yup, has definately happened to me a couple of times. I think sometimes after the chase is over the guy will just back off or disappear and then we women think that if we step up to the plate and do the pursuing he'll come around but usually this has the exact opposite effect and we push the guy even further away. I believe it's called "rubberbanding" and I hear it's talked about in the mars venus book. I think when men start getting closer to you they get a little scared and back off a little bit because of the fear of being too intimate and sometimes they come around if you leave them to go in their cave for a little bit but other times they just disappear and never come back.
Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:55am
Oh yes. I've dealt with this before. But the fun part comes when he starts being "normal" again. You get to act aloof. Not blatantly so. Don't want him to think that you're sore about it. Just want to make him think that you don't care. Of course...I'm good at that. But then again, I don't like to waste my time on guys like that anyways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:50am

Yep. Has happened too many times for me.

Boy pursues me, we have a great time and soon as I realize I am really digging him and let him know, he's suddenly not interested anymore. I guess he wasn't that interested and realizes it only afterhe learns that I care for him.

Just reason #4,369 why dating sucks!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:08am
Do you think this is common amongst men because we as women don't show our interest as obvious as we should? ('Cause you know, most men are dense in that sense, no matter how smart they already are)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:22am

"Do you think this is common amongst men because we as women don't show our interest as obvious as we should? ('Cause you know, most men are dense in that sense, no matter how smart they already are)"

I don't think this is common for men because women aren't showing their interest (I, for one, always make it clearly known when I am interested in a guy). I think it is common because I think there are more men who aren't as interested in emotional intimacy and exclusive relationships as women. That's not to say there aren't any, but I think they are a hard minority to find. Just my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:28am
I, too, agree. I know I make my interest clear too but I think with them it's a matter of seeing what else is out there before they build your hopes up.
I don't think they want the committed relationship thingy if they're acting aloof and unresponsive or not noticing you when you think they do notice you. I think for the most part that they're probably exploring other options. They're men. They think alot different than we do. What we're looking at as long term, they're looking at as right now, right this minute and then on with the next.
I don't think men are that dense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:28am
Sounds like you and me get involved with the same sort of men cl214. I mean I've been in relationships that have lasted almost a year or a year and a half recently but that's as far as they've gone because then the problems started to come out or the guy just wasn't emotionally mature enough for a relationship, realized that he didnt' want to be with me or want marriage or commitment in his life period. I'm like, GREAT, how do I keep dating these sorts of guys. Even though they all seemed different at the beginning and had different issues, they all ended up the same, fearing commitment, not being that into me or just not wanting to get intimate and close to me. Dating is extremely frustrating, I'll have to agree with you. Sometimes I wonder how the heck these women out there can get these great men who want to marry them and they seem to do it effortlessly with no problem. Then I wonder what the heck is wrong with me even though I think I'm a pretty good catch too so what's the difference, why do these women get the really good men to commit and marry them and then I'm still struggling at age 30 to find one of those men. Sorry, need to get that out, I guess my frustrations are becoming more apparent the longer I go in the dating world and the longer I have a dry spell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:38am
Year and a half? Right now I can't make it past the 9-week mark, although I have to say the guy I'm dating right now will hit the 2-mont mark next week...and he's still emailing. Maybe I can get a 3-6 month stint. Sadly, I'm crossing my fingers for that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:11pm

Dating is so fun yet so frustrating sometimes. It always seems as though it's most fun in the beginning, when the guy is actively pursuing you. You receive all this attention and then BAM he disappears.

Sometimes I wish I could just find the person I'm supposed to be with so I can cross it off my list....sounds horrible I know, but I'm slowly losing hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cottonballbaby
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:22pm
No, I don't think it's horrible. I CANNOT WAIT to stop casual dating and settle down into a long-term relationship and stop obsessing about this. Yeesh!

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