How to Cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
How to Cope
4
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:04pm
I am going to make this short. I really, really like a guy at work but he told me he doesn't feel the same way about me and that he doesn't date co-workers. A couple of months ago, we hired a new girl who took to this guy pretty much the same way I did. He's really hot. Hahahaha! Anyway, they've been hanging out a lot and are pretty much all over each other at work. They deny there's anything going on between them but everybody at work feels that there's definitely a whole lot going on. The problem, I never thought I was a jealous person until I saw them together. Unfortunately for me, I've seen how they look at each other and you can just feel the connection. I am happy for them but at the same time, I am having difficult trying not to be jealous. I really like him and I guess I am sad that he doesn't feel the same way and yet another woman walked in and the rules of dating co-workers is thrown out. Could you all just give me some advice on how to get over this jealousy and sadness??? Thanks
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: piscopa
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:22pm

I think I'd be more ticked off at the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
In reply to: piscopa
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:25pm
I definitely don't want to date somebody that doesn't want me but I guess I like him so much right now that I can potentially make the mistake of going out with him. At the same time, the girl is a nice girl and I wouldn't wanna hurt her. I just wish I knew how to stop the feeling I get when I see them together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: piscopa
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:01am

Hi there,

I am not trying to be mean but have you read the book "he's just not that into you?". It's really not about you...and take it from someone that had dated coworkers...DON"T!

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200409/tows_past_20040922.jhtml

If you are on this emotional roller-coaster now, imagine dating the guy & then it not working out and the ramifications on your work, your career.

He saved you a lot of heartache & right now their hormones are at work. It's very distracting in an office environment & sista, you are much better off.

Focus on you & your work & just blow him off. It ain't worth it. If he didn't want you in the first place, why would you want him now.

Hugz...I don't mean to be harsh but just know it really is for the better as hard as it is on the ego.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: piscopa
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:58am

sometimes you have to just feel the feelings. Your feelings are natural for the situation, and though you wouldn't want to start yelling or make a scene because of them, there's nothing wrong with sitting there and feeling them and admitting that you feel that way. If you can take a moment to just stop, quietly acknowledge your jealousy or anger or sadness and experience what it feels like, that is somewhat comforting in itself. A feeling can only last so long, and when you acknowledge it, it doesn't have to keep crying out for your attention, and you also won't be adding the extra emotions of guilt and frustration while unsuccessfully trying to supress the emotions. :)

sorry if that sounds like mumbo jumbo. I've been having a lot of emotions myself this week, and it is really tough, but it seems to help if I can just ride the waves and feel what I have to feel. Emotions really are a journey, and I think you'll find that your emotions about this situation will shift and change both over the short- and long-term. You definitely won't feel this way forever!