How to date for the clueless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
How to date for the clueless?
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 1:59pm
Hi, all. I know this sounds strange coming from a 40 year old woman, but I really, really have NO idea how to date or meet someone to date. Guess I need to give you some background so you'll understand...

I never dated when I was in school and a guy 'pursued' me when I was 24 becoming my first and so far only boyfriend. We dated, became engaged, and lived together for 13 years before he decided he loved someone else and I went off on my own again. Now after 3 years of 'being single', I still have NO CLUE about dating or meeting someone :( I'm sure he and I would never have dated if he hadn't been so persistant - I ignored him for the most part the few times we met.

I really don't want to marry or live with anyone again - never did and even less want to know - but wouldn't mind dating now and then. I've never been a social person though - I'm a home body and tend to get home from work and read, paint, etc. I've tried a few times, but always end up with nothing to say and come off as 'cold' or 'not interested' as someone I did sort of like told my roommate.

I guess I'm in the 'awkward dating phase' that most people go thru in high school, but being an only child and a loner then too, I really never learned anything about dating. Any suggestions will be appreciated.


Avatar for poetic_guy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 3:48pm

Well I am 41 and basically spent the last 6 years dating off and on in between relationships and ive had a few relationships until I finally settled with Ms right the last year and half.

I was in your boat when I started dating again and made every mistake imaginable, I was totally clueless and eventually got it right or mostly right.

I have many tips from a guys perspective.

I dont know where to start.

Hmm, I suppose the first thing I would say is that you need to meet somone like yourself, independent, wants to date casually, even a hermit but you will never meet a hermit unless you get out there and look.

If your interested in a friend or a dating coach then email me:

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 3:56pm
I think you need to figure out what you want from dating--it's really not clear from your post and I almost get the feeling you think you SHOULD date, rather than you really WANT to--before you try to do it. What you want to get out of it will determine a lot of how you go about it, I think.