How to Deal With Jealousy??
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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 1:43pm |
Is there anyone else out there single and casual dating like me that keeps running into this? How do you keep from not being too jealous when you are nonexclusively seeing a guy and he may be seeing someone else.
Granted, the guy I've been seeing AZ, seems to be giving me a lot of attention, giving me his schedule and making dates with me when he can but it drives me nuts to think he may be dating someone else.
Case in point, he and his friend had a party Sunday night in which me and my friend went. Without thinking I gave him a kiss on the lips and he seemed a bit surprised by it (didn't think that would be bad). As I was leaving, I caught another girl with her arms around his neck hugging him.
So I notice he has a new pic on his Myspace page and check it out and there is another girl winking at him and leaving a flirty comment. He leaves a similar flirty comment on her page. He may have something going on with her too. He has other comments from girls saying 'it was good talking to you' and 'can't wait to see you again' etc. All of our mutual friends claim he is a nice guy and doesn't seem like he has action like that, but I contend that you never know these days.
I hate this. This is exactly why I hate casual dating. I don't wanna share a guy. Granted we have only had 5 dates and we've been emailing back & forth during the day but I hate feeling like I'm in competition and that any one of these weeks, some other chick will gain on me and steal him away.
And yeah, I ALWAYS keep other options open, but there really isn't anyone else showing more than a 40% interest right now. And I reall like this guy, so it kills me to think that when he's not with me, he may be with her. Or her. So I'll keep hunting, but this is getting sooo old!
I hate casual dating!!!

I'm in this situation right now as well -- just started seeing someone, but we're not ready to have that exclusive talk yet.
I think the best thing to do is not think about it. (Hard with things like myspace, I know -- sometimes technology doesn't help). For me, I tell myself that, if this guy is the right guy, eventually we will be exclusive and I won't have to worry about it anymore. In the meantime, it's better for both of us to be taking the time to really *know* that we're right for each other before taking it to the next level. That might mean that both parties are also going out on dates with other people.
If he does decide to become exclusive with you, then you know it's because you are a good match for him and that it's not just because you're convenient or the only one around. I think it can be a really positive thing, if you maintain perspective.
If someone else asks you out, go. Make sure you're not putting all your proverbial eggs in one basket until it's clear that you both want it to be exclusive.
Hope that helps. I know it's easier said than done. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Thanks for responding. Everything you said makes sense and it is too early to be having an exclusive talk. I'd like to give it more time to see where we're at, it's just hard cause I've dated so many guys that were casually seeing other girls and they usually lost interest in me and went with someone else. It makes me feel like I have to always be on my game to keep his interest and compete with all the other beautiful, intelligent, fn women that are also interested. And no, stupid technology has only made this worse.
I'm going to try my best to put this out of my head.
>>It makes me feel like I have to always be on my game to keep his interest and compete with all the other beautiful, intelligent, fn women that are also interested.<<
With the right man, you won't have to be on "your game" at all -- he'll be interested because you're wonderful (beautiful, intelligent, fun) just the way you are. Seriously. :) Those women have nothing on you -- believe that, and you will project that vibe. Pretty soon, the guy will believe that as well.
I think it's very attractive for men if you maintain your own life -- it shows that other people want to be around you, you are confident in yourself, have lots going on - and why shouldn't he want to be part of that? If you are always too available for the guy, it leaves the door open for him to take you for granted and maybe lose interest.
I'm not saying that you should play games. Just live your life - go out, have fun. Show this guy that, if he wants to be a part of your life, he might have to step up and do something about it.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I'm with ya.
If the two of you are right for each other, the other women he's dating will fall away. And if you're not right for each other, then you're not...I know it's hard to wait and see though!
Sheri