How do I distance myself??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
How do I distance myself??
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 10:29pm
Hey all,

You all seem to have good insight on this board, so I thought I'd ask your advice. First, the back story. I got in touch with this guy via work, by discussing a subject on the phone. He had a few questions, and as I was unsure of the answer, I told him I would do a bit of research and get back to him. He said it would be easier to reach him via e-mail, etc; So at any rate, I e-mailed him, it turned out we were in similar fields, etc; and we ended up conversing via e-mail probably once a week for a month and a half or so. He said it would be really nice to meet me in person sometime, and since he seemed nice and everything, I agreed to meet him for some sightseeing (as I am new to my current area and he's lived around here all his life). We talked on the phone one evening for around 2 hours to set things up, and I remember thinking that he seemed all right, but probably a bit serious for me. So I met him in person, and although he's not bad-looking, I wasn't really attracted to him. And again, he was nice, but I was correct that he was a bit too serious, and he had some mannerisms that annoyed me a bit. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him ocassionally, but I don't think I'd like to date him any further. So I decided that I would just lay low for a few days, then maybe get in touch to say hello or whatever. The "date" was on Sunday, and he called me on Monday night!! I didn't answer the phone, as I often don't when I don't recognize a number on my caller ID. So I decided to wait to reply for a couple of days so he might get that I wasn't quite as eager as he. I came out of my kickboxing class tonight to ANOTHER message from him. Now I don't really know what to do. I don't want to just tell him to go away or hurt his feelings, I just don't want to continue to date him. Is there any way I can do this without simply giving him the "let's just be friends" line??

Any ideas would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 9:27am
He calls on Monday after making plans for a Sunday nite date? After that, I wouldn't wanna date him even if he was Tom Cruise. "Past behavior predicts future behavior," as Dr Phil would say.

Myself, I'd call him back to see what he has to say, especially about the "date." If he doesn't mention it, bring it up, and see what he says; I betcha he'll say he forgot.

Then, if he suggests re-scheduling the date, tell him YOU'LL call him back--then don't. And if he persists and still calls, either tell him you've been busy (w/work, w/family, w/your in-grown toenail, whatever) and you'll have to see when you're next available.

OR you can simply be honest. Most men, though, will take the hint if you don't call back.