How do I go about approaching men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
How do I go about approaching men?
3
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 9:09pm

Hello

I am in a bit of a predicament. I am in my mid-20s and have never dated. Now that I am looking to date, I find that I am at a loss on how to go about doing this. When I go out with friends, we're not looking to pick up guys - we just want to enjoy each other's company. And lately, with me being the only one out of school and working full-time, I'm the only one with free time on the weekends (and with money to spend). So I find myself doing things by myself a lot - going to the movies, having dinner, shopping, etc.

But how do I meet a guy? It sounds so silly to ask, but I'm only really familiar with women, so the idea of checking out guys and having a conversation with one seems very foreign to me. And I don't like going to bars by myself...

And what complicates things is that I don't like when men approach me, lol. It always seems to irritate me. It just seems odd - I mean, what is he basing it on? How could in a few minutes of seeing me could a guy want to know me better? I think the same way about approaching men - what would I be basing my interest on? I don't know this person...

Anyway, now I'm rambling. I'm obviously in the dark about all of this. Maybe I just don't like men enough to want to date them...

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 9:26pm

If you don't like bars, try meandering through places like Lowe's, Home Depot, or Circuit City. It always amazes me the amount of attractive men I find when I go to those sorts of places. However, I don't mind a guy with a little dirt under his nails. If you are more of a Steve-the-accountant person that may not be the place for you.

You should definitely make sure your confidence is up to par before approaching someone. As far as the approach, if you are at one of the establishments I listed above, you may pick up a random door knob and ask the cute guy standing at the end of the aisle if he thinks it would be pretty easy to install.

I can do this sort of thing, but I definitely have to be in the right mindset. I have to "feel cute" and feel confident in general. I definitely have those days where I meet a guy who I think I could be interested in but I just don't have "it" in me on that particular day. I can think of a waiter right now who I wish I had left my number for . . . LOL. Oh well, snooze ya lose, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:59pm

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation...I'm in my early 20's, and though I haven't been absent from the dating scene or anything, I find myself currently between relationships and -due to college being out for the summer- having to be creative about meeting guys. My first question for you is this: are you opposed to going out with a guy who approaches you? I too am somewhat awkward when guys approach me, but do you really have a good reason for not giving them a chance? I mean, ok, if you would never ever be attracted to him in a million years that's one thing, but if he seems nice, what's the harm in having a conversation? Or exchanging phone numbers? You never know what could develop. Otherwise, I know this sounds completely cliche, but take up a new hobby or join a group or take a class that sounds interesting to you. Or just continue to do what you already love, and look for guys who enjoy it too (chat up that guy checking out the bestseller rack in the bookstore if you love to read, etc). I ran into a casual acquaintance at the most recent Harry Potter movie (we're both big fans), and he ended up asking me to a release party for the new book. You might also try sports games.

I would worry about going to places completely out of your interest zone, however, especially if you are just trying to meet guys. If you are not an outdoor kind of girl, I'd avoid the local outdoor recreational store even if it is full of attractive guys--meeting and maintaining a new male acquaintace based on a coincidental meeting in the rock climbing department would be so much harder if you knew you'd never have any real interest in the sport!

Anyway, that's my two cents. I'd just be open to new things and new people :-) Best of luck!

Lilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 6:22pm

Thank you for your replies.

I think a large reason why I haven't dated is because my type is non-existent, lol. I'm not looking for perfection, but I'm coming to realize that I'm gonna have settle if I don't want to be alone - which has always been my fear. Having said that, it's not as big a fear as being alone for the rest of my life.

It just sucks going into the whole dating thing knowing already that I'm settling, you know? Kinda sucks the excitement out of everything. Oh well, i dunno what else to do.