How do you all do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
How do you all do it?
3
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 2:12pm

Hi ya all!

I'm having a crummy Sunday. So many things are eating at me.

Let alone the ending of my long-term relationship, my relationship with my mother is one that is about to drive me mad. Obviously quite a bit of my therapy is devoted to the fact that there aren't appropriate boundaries there. I've carried alot of my mother's pain over the years and been her support through so much. She's leaned on me when most of the time she should have been sheltering me and protecting me from HER stuff.

Right now she knows VERY little about what I'm going through but from the little bit she's heard she is acting like she KNOWS. I got a card in the mail yesterday and she's all offering her support but instead of it being bitter sweet to me, it annoys me. I don't accept her support or welcome it. I don't know why this is, but her doing this just annoys me.

All this following me approaching her with the fact that she had no right to tell anyone about the status of my relationship (which she barely knows what the status is) - but she has and when I approached her it made her mad. She's never apologized, and her "card" implies it's because of everything I'm going through and she's praying for me. WTH

Anyway, I know this is a random post, sorry! Just trying to get some things out and they are so hard for me verbalize.

Can anyone relate, if you can I imagine it would help me! Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 11:19pm
I'd say one of the hardest times in my life was coming to the realization that my parents were one, human and two, never going to change. Any and every part of our relationship was never going to be different unless I adjusted my attitude to accomodate who they are. Accepting the imperfections of the one(s) who raised you is challenging, to say the least. It reminds me though, that their intentions are good, they love me and they're mine. ALL mine. This truly is more of a blessing than a burden, imperfect as it may be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:14am

Hi. I know next to nothing of your situation, but I just wanted to let you know there are people out here that wish you the best. Remember, there are a lot of emotionally unhealthy people in the world, and a lot of them are parents. Looks like you found one!!!

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 8:48am
I would agree and add that the other thing that I learned about my parents is that they bring their own history to the table. They may annoy and frustrate me at times but neither one of them had an ideal childhood - in fact, I had it better than either of them even with some of the awful things that happened for years surrounding their divorce. Once I tried to think of why they are the way that they are, I became much more empathetic towards them. When I made that change, a tectonic shift occurred in my relationships with them (especially with my mother) and things have been so much better since then. It's a great thing to love my parents and want them to be a part of my life. But I think that these realizations and this attitude is something that comes with maturity.