How do you make yourself go out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
How do you make yourself go out?
5
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 4:22pm

I have been contacted by a very handsome man who has his sh** together, good job, a home, etc. and seems nice, unlike the other men I've found online. I know I should be more open to talking with him and hopefully even go out with him.  But (there's always that stupid but!) how do I make myself go out when I am totally hung up on someone that I can't have? I need to move on and get over this guy at work (I have always called him MB in my older posts) and dating seems like the logical way.  Don't guys do it all the time? And to make matters worse the guy that I went out with 1 time that started this whole thing with MB is coming back to work at my place.  I foresee drama between the 3 of us already. I know, I know, that is why I should never have gone out with someone I work with.  But I did and it's too late now to take it back. MB is the funniest, sweetest and most considerate man I've ever know and he has touched me in a way no man ever has. My heart aches for him and even though he can't seem to stay away from me he still hasn't gotten over our age difference and I need to accept the fact that he probably never will. So I need to know.  Is it wrong for me to date when I have such strong feelings for someone already? We are not dating or having sex, it's just this chemistry thing that neither one of us can deny but yet we never act upon. And if it's not wrong how do I put my feelings aside and go out?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 7:13pm

I would view it as MB's loss and go out/have fun.  I think the key point you made in your post was that MB hasn't acted on this chemistry that the two of you have so you have every right to date other people.  I don't know how to advise you to go about putting these feelings for MB behind you but you could look it as, you're just going on a date - it isn't marriage and MB isn't really going anywhere.  You don't really owe either one of these men anything.  Give the one guy the pleasure of your company and who knows what could happen.  You could forget all about MB ;)     

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 7:48pm

 One does not forget.  Bittersweet memories are what we have.  It is a stone on the path to enlightenment.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 8:55pm

I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life pining over someone who apparently isn't interested in dating you and becoming the spinster cat lady, do you?  I think that if you met some other great guy, suddenly MB would have much less appeal.  I think you should approach the date w/ the new guy not even as a date with romantic potential.  I think when we have big expectations that something great is going to happen, usually it's a let down.  Look at it like you hope  to go out & meet someone nice and maybe make a new friend and spend some pleasant time out of the house.  Then if something more happens, it will be icing on the cake.  And whatever you do, don't tell MB about any of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 6:00pm

Trust me, I'm not concerned about MB's feelings. I don't want to sit around pining after him but I also kind of feel like a user going out when I know I have these stupid feelings for MB. I try to tell myself that it's his loss not mine.  But the truth is, I feel it's a loss for us both because of our chemistry and so many common interests.  But as they say; you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it.  Anyway, I decided wth and have begun conversing with the guy from online.  Like Musiclover (I think) said, it's not like I'm planning a marriage or anything.  Go out and have some fun and see where it leads.  Guess I'm just not used to dating. I've always rushed or have been pushed into commited relationships. Thanks for the advise everyone, it's hard getting back out there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 7:03pm

Lol, I will definitely NOT tell MB about it.  It will either tick him off or he'll think I'm doing it just to get him jealous.  If anything were ever to become of me and the online guy then I would have to tell him but not before! Dating this way is nerve wracking! I think it's almost worse when the other person is totally into me and I'm not into them.  I'm not very good at letting people down. And maybe that is one of the reasons I'm  attracted to MB....he's familiar to me because we started as just friends. Not that we are much more than that now but you know what I mean. Time to get out of my comfort zone!