How do you stay off the emotional roller coaster?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
How do you stay off the emotional roller coaster?
22
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 11:09am

So I had my exciting date on Sat., I was on cloud 9 & smiling idiotically for a couple days after--and now I am back to anxiety and uncertainty.  OMG, I haven't dated anyone I liked in so long I forgot what it is like.  Since all the dates I've had since my divorce were guys I didn't really like, I guess the last time I felt this way was when I met my ex in 2000, so that is a long time.  Now objectively I know it's ridiculous to feel this way--it hasn't even been a week & the guy doesn't seem like he is the type who communicates just to chat.  For our first date, he emailed me 3 wks ahead to see if I wanted to go, then I heard nothing for 2 weeks after that so I wasn't even sure he was going to follow through--one wk before, he emailed me again to remind me and then we had more discussion in the couple of days before we actually went.  since this weekend is Easter, I never really expected a date--so how do I get myself to snap out of this mood?  It's almost like having PMS, except I know it's not.  I mean I look at the facts and what I would tell a friend in the same situation.  He sure seemed like he was having a good time, he mentioned seeing me in the future like it was a definite thing (of course we all know that is no guarantee--the typical "I'll call you" and then you never hear from the guy again) and when I emailed him on the day after, he emailed me right back and seemed enthusiastic. 

We belong to the same meetup group for single parents and we were looking at the calendar of future events together.  There is a dance at the end of April that he said he would go to (I had signed up a long time ago) but he hasn't signed up yet, but he signed up for a dinner for next week (that I cant' go to)--but then again, the dinner is a limited no. of people so you have to sign up right away to guarantee your place, while a lot of people could go to the dance.  But I guess I'm a little put off that he didn't ask if I was going to the dinner, yet of course since we're in the same group, he knows these events are visible to me too--yet I'd feel like a stalker signing up right after he did.

Aggh!  Maybe not dating is just easier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Thanks, your 2 cents are helpful.  I was looking at the Men are from Mars, women are from Venus book last night, which I had at home & forgot about--I think I will specifically look for the one about dating, since that seems to be more for people who are in relationships, but it does mention about how men need space and it's so bad for women to chase them because they have to go apart for a bit to realize that they actually miss the woman & want to come back so if the woman is always chasing they don't have the space to miss her & it actually has the opposite effect.  I mean I know the guy is busy with work--sometimes he gives seminars to people at night and he's probably busier than I am since I obviously have time to fool around on the internet at work.  If I was in court doing a trial all day, then I wouldn't have time to think of this stuff, but it's been kind of slow here.

But you are right--it's like I waited 4 yrs for a decent date and haven't had sex or even a good making out session so I don't want that to be the end of it.  I think if there was a socially acceptable way to get our physical needs met, maybe we wouldn't go so crazy but I'm not about to have sex with a stranger and I don't know anyone to be a possible FWB, so that's out of the question.  And yes I know there is nothing I can do about the outcome.  I was very good about waiting the 3 weeks before our date--I wasn't thinking about it much and I even talked to another guy on the phone and met him (in a group) so I just want to get back to that state of calmness and whatever will be will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I know how you feel and if I had the answer to that I wouldnt be writing here on Ivillage...(lol)

You know I dont know how people have affairs and get involved in all sorts of crazy relationships because its challenging as it is finding a regular type person and emotions are all over the place....

what you are experiencing is probably normal and thank Goodness you are normal (lol).. because you just restarted your groove Stella and the endorphins have kicked in but yes its playing havoc on your common sense.. It seems that love and heart and common sense are always fighting with each other and we women have it worse than m en.. Meanwhile he is just most likely going about his business and not even thinking about any of it or that is what I have read men do (men help here)....Reasons why men and women are wired so differently..

I would also think that because you have been alone so long and the date went well you are anxious and want to get another date.. Also makes sense but yes its frustrating and wanting something straight away and to keep on going is humanly frustrating to say the least..

All you can do is pray and meditate and get yourself to a calmer state of being and try and develop that no attachment to the outcome.. Yes; easier said than done but you have to do it because this will play havoc on your psyche and that is painful....

So pray and let the Universe handle it and although hope and pray for the best know that the expectations are always greater than what we really want.. Unfortunatley its the reason why gurus and the like say to date different people but at our ages we get one bite and we are off with it because lets face it its hard to find one date let alone  other dates..So keep busy and get on with life as they say and as the days go by it will get better..... and the endorphins will start to level out...and your senses might come back or hope they do...(lol)

Just my stupid two cents!!!

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