How Far and How Not Far I've Come

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
How Far and How Not Far I've Come
21
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 10:27pm

Sunday is my 47th birthday.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 10:39pm

Marina, Happy Birthday in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 10:56pm

Having challenging parents and not being a whiz at dealing with them does not make you less of a grown up.

Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 11:14pm
I can relate, although my mother is not as bad as yours. I love her, and I do want to see her sometimes. Only in small doses, though. She shares everything, so I can't tell her anything. She points out every mistake I make, all the while telling me it's "no big deal." If I do something differently than she would, she does it over. Basically, I can do no right in her eyes, yet at the same time I'm perfect so I have to keep up the facade. I know that makes no sense, but it's how she makes me feel. Right now, she's focused on my sister who is still fighting with her (ex) boyfriend that she lives with. My sister is at 35 weeks now and having massive mood swings. My mom has planted herself smack in the middle of the problem, siding with the (cheating) boyfriend and stressing my sister out further. In the meantime, she keeps saying my sister needs to fix this herself. So...I get stressful parents!

I can't believe they were going to stay for a month! That's way too long. My mom has come to visit at the worst possible time (I tell her NOT to come then, and she specifically plans it then) every year but this one. Just a few days is enough for me. In fact, two days is my max until I start to feel smothered. I can't be myself when she's here!

I thought your daughter was moving out soon. What happened there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 12:07am

Thank you for your compassionate post, Music.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 12:14am

Thanks for your response, Lady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 12:21am

Hi Shy,

My daughter would love to move out, but if she does, my parents will try to stay with me.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 8:02am

Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 9:16am

I think alot of us have messed up families.. I too grew up in and had a very dysfunctional family.. I still do at times. I cant tell you how many times my mom starved us and told us we were fat...and she told me that a few weeks ago and she is 88. I just ignore her on a good day.. I barely eat because I cant afford it right now.. and I try and do something physical when I can and I dont really care what size I am... I am 57 and happy with the way I look.. If I am not then I have a problem.

So I am going to go into psyche 101 here;

First off you sound like you have this entitlement theory and that at 47 you should be this or that.. Who promised you that?

I am 57 and My life sucks right now and I didnt ask for it. I am also divorced twice with a messed up family .. my son cant hold onto a job.. He sucks money out of me that I dont have.. He dates a woman ten years older than him and she has three kids. If he doesnt win the lottery life is going to get really hard.

My car is a 2004 with no hope of me getting a new one.. I have no medical insurance and limited income and no man. I live with sis and mom and want to die everyday cause of it.

I know this post is about you but hey want to trade places.???

let me know cause I will be on a plane asap

Happy Birthday Drama Queen....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 10:26am

I think it would be a lot easier to deal w/ your Dd if you just set boundaries, esp. about money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-28-2011 - 10:32am

Aren't you Italian?

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