how to i get taken seriously now ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
how to i get taken seriously now ??
49
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 3:44pm

In this past year, I had a boyfriend...for a month. I am the type of girl that hates to miss out on things, and when I had a boyfriend, I lost friendships with alot of guy friends, said no to fun things I wish I could've done, and what not because i was tied down.

But I'm getting sick of having one-night stands, or sex with a guy I wish I could have more with. I don't have sex with random people, most are my friends or mutal ones. That said, I have had sex with about 10 people.

I am ready to be in a relationship,therefore, I've stopped having "random" sex. One guy "friend" is upset at me for not putting out, because I've had sex with 2 of his friends...months ago. I'm worried I can't be taken seriously.

I don't know what to do to demand the respect I really want not. Has anyone been in my situation? or have advice or something for me?




Edited 6/6/2007 3:45 pm ET by summer623

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 4:47pm
Ah . . .so you did see it .. hope I didn't offend you with my special way of seeing some things. (-: I even held WAY back. (((-:
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 12:36am

>>>if you fail to see the correlation, then you're turning a blind eye or being ignorant.
women/girls are not sex objects and are not for the use of pleasure.<<<

I'm not saying that women/girls are sex objects to be used for pleasure. It's just that I've been in the same situation as your male friend SEVERAL times in the past, and while you (and several others) think he's a sleazy jerk, you need to realize there's another side of the coin. You don't understand the pain and frustration he is feeling. You don't understand what it's like putting in all this time and effort building a friendship with a girl, hoping one day, it will develop into a relationship or ATLEAST a hook up, and having all that time and effort end in "let's just be friends."

I never pressured my any of my former female friends when I revealed my feelings or desire for them after they turned me down, but I just want to know, WHY did they deny themselves to me, after I spent so much time and effort building a friendship with them? Why was just ONE NIGHT so much to ask for? If you tell me why you did it for your friend, maybe I'll understand why they did it to me.

And you still haven't answered my other question, which is, why did you treat your other male friends differently than the other? Why did those 2 deserve the chance to enjoy sex with you while the other didn't?

>>>you can speak for yourself, but some guys DO care because it shows a girls morality and character.<<<

You're right, SOME guys DO care, and like I said, those SOME guys grew up in the 1950s or are braindead. However, MOST guys, DON'T.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:06am

>>>But, I guess in your fantasy world women just give it up, you don't need to ever make a committment to anyone and no one needs to be a father. We can run rampant with single-mothers.<<<

Condoms? The pill? Spermicide? Vasectomies? Tubal ligation?

There are so many options available that practically all but completely obliterate the risk of pregnancy. It is not a legitimate excuse not to have sex.

>>>Also you show your age with the drivel you write that is based on the zero life experience you have.<<<

I regret that I don't have that experience, but what I can offer is what I've witnessed, or what I've learned speaking with other males. And my general experience has been that men tend to reserve their worst language for girls who DON'T put out than those who do "too early." Even as a guy, I was surprised by how vehemently and viciously many, MANY men speak about women who sexually frustrate them.

I used to hang out at Star Bucks a lot, and there was this older guy who used to hang out there frequently with a group of regulars. The guy was talking about how he finally had sex with this woman he'd been dating for a while, but he wasn't pleased. He said something along the lines of "the f***ing b**** waits 4 months to put out and she ends up being terrible. You have no idea how pissed off I am."

One of my friends had been dating this girl for a while, but they hadn't had sex. He didn't speak fondly of her at all. He said "I've been dating the b**** for 3 months and she still hasn't put out. It's really pissing me off."

I knew this guy who dumped a girl he'd been dating for 2 months because they hadn't had sex with. When he was talking about it, he said "She was prude. F*** her."

There was this one kid in high school, who became popular overnight after he had managed to score a date with one of the popular girls. That's not what made him popular. What made him popular was that at the end of the date and she refused to have sex with him, he told her "If you're not going to f*** me, then you can go f*** yourself" and kicked her out of the car in a parking lot, leaving her to hitchhike her way home. It was cruel yes, but every guy in school admired him for his gutsiness in saying that to one of the most popular girls in school.

These are just a few examples. And my general experience, speaking and listening to other guys, has shown me that MOST guys, late teens, twenties, early thirties, guys who grew up in the culture of MTV Spring Break, Desperate Housewives and Nip/Tuck, do not care at all if a girl has any sexual relations with him early with him or on a first or second date.

In fact, most guys I've spoken to spoke quite fondly of girls who had sex with them right away or very early in a relationship. And they NEVER called them "whores" or "sluts." The only time I've ever heard guys call a girl "whore" or "slut" was if she cheated on him. Otherwise, sleeping with a man quickly will, very more likely than not, have NO bearing on his level of respect for you.

If a man disrespects you, it's most likely NOT because you slept with him too soon. And if that's the reason, do you really want a man like that anyway?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:12am

>>>Redonculous -

Are you hot? Do you have a nice bod? Do you participate in a cool sport, like surfing? Are you fun to be around?

If none of the above, you're probably going to have a tough time unless you become a pot dealer.

That's the best advice I can give you.

Beach<<<

If there is one thing I can confidently say about myself, it's that a have a very nice body. I'm short, and my face may not be that handsome, but I can definitely say I have an above-average body. I have some muscle and a lot of definition.

I do a lot of mountain sports; skiing, rock climbing, hiking, biking. I TRY to be fun around. That's why I joined this forum; to learn how to be more charming and witty and flirty so girls enjoy talking to me. I don't understand why it's so difficult for many of you to simply tell me what you would find cute or sexy for a man to say to you.

I'm not seriously considering selling drugs, but DO drug dealers get lots of girls? If they do, why? Is it the money? Or are they attracted to the dangerous, bad boy appearl of it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:22pm

Yah - glad you did. Board is tainted enough by the men; re Redonculous. I don't need to have you blokes give me more fuel to add to my fire. I already have blokes a level lower than an amoeba, so that was smart of you.

Actually most of the mens' opinions mean diddly squat to me.

Beach

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:27pm

<>

Obviously you are the 'guy' that no one dates though all the women wish they could find someone for you, as long as it's not them.

And to be honest, all of you can walk around frustrated. It makes you humble!

Beach

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:33pm

What you witnessed is exactly the type of men all women want to avoid. I bet the old guy from Starbucks wasn't a Casanova himself. Sheesh!

And please don't quote stuff about high school. It's pathetic and I am glad the girl had enough respect not to sleep with his sorry arse. And how many more dates did he get with girls?

You have a lot to learn.

Beach

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:01pm

OMG!!!...you are one twisted fella.

no...i don't buy it...i don't buy that all these men are "pissed off" about having a normal courtship with a female...its apparent you're not experienced with dating, right?...cause the fact is, even prior to have actual sex, most dating couples are enjoying romance and sensuality...most couples will move thru the stage of making out, fondling, and all that exciting/sexy stuff that keeps us eager for the next date...i recall you mentioning in a post one of your fondest memories is of kissing some drunk girl at a party...so can you imagine how fun it'd be to be actively dating a nice, fun, attracting female, looking forward to a couple of dates a week where they'll be stimulating conversation peppered with flirting, having her bat her eyelashes at you, realizing she likes/lusts for you, holding her hand, feeling goosebumps when her knee touches yours, leaning in for a kiss, taking her in your arms, pulling her tight against you, noticing her breathless for you, sensing her arousal to you, oooooooooo...theres nothing more exciting then that rush of new romance and the anticipation, the sensuous body language, the sultry voiced whispers, the weak knees and pounding heart, the eagerness to be together again and take it slowly further and further...

you telling me you'd get "pissed off!" to have a woman swoon for you the way most do on dates with men that excite and attract them??....trusting eventually she'll be eager to take it to the next level with you?

you are dead wrong when you try to conclude dating couples aren't feeling sexual pleasure...maybe not orgasm right off, but the thrill is intense and very real, and its not a secret from each other....the dance of sensuous dating is very intoxicating and its not frustrating to either because its natural...i'm sure plenty of daters go home to pleasure themselves with the knowledge it will eventually be more mutual pleasure.

see, from what you describe, you had female friends that you hoped to have sex with...so it seems you've never really dated a female and enjoyed the pleasure that goes along with that....you seem to be *ass*uming that dating couples aren't having sensuous thrills between them...very much NOT true dear boy...dates are often HOT, sexy, passionate...and each date is moreso....you seem to *ass*ume dates are strictly platonic until they have actual sex...thats bizarre!...good dates are sexually stimulating and promising of a sensuous future in my experience....you should be so lucky to have such dates.

you're all off IMO...you're twisted...you don't have a touch on reality IMO.

and i do NOT believe all these men you encounter are calling women that THEY choose to call back for 2nd/3rd/6th dates are calling them "bitches" and expressing being "pissed off!" at them...no...you don't have a clue...i don't think you have any male friends either, do you?...cause you truly do NOT have a grasp on reality IMHO.

trust me, from reading your posts, you'd give your right arm to have the thrill of dating a woman who is truly attracted to you....i don't believe for a moment you'd be "pissed off!" to have her eager for your kisses and melting to your touch.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 5:51pm

Honey -

You made way too much sense. Redoncolous is never going to get it. He has watched way too much Internet porn to have any sense of reality.

Beach

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