How long do I wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
How long do I wait?
5
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 5:34pm

Okay here's a question:

How long should you wait if a guy has just broken up with a long time girlfriend before starting to flirt with him and making it apparent you are interested?

I had a huge crush on new friend until I found out he had a girlfriend. So, I kept things purely platonic, as I never flirt with attached men, ever! I just found out that they broke up before Christmas and he moved out.

How long do I wait before I make it apparent I like him? Several months, a year? I don't want to be the rebound girl and I don't want to lose a friend or make things uncomfortable.

Is there a set time to wait before making a move? And if so, girls, how long should I wait? Don't want to miss out as well. He is an amazing guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:13pm

Immediately.

I've had my hearts broken by girls before, but still, I would have been happy and open to advances from other girls right afterwards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:42pm
Really? I thought guys needed time to be single and to just play the field for a time, before going into another relationship. I'm happy to do so immediately, no trouble there. Hmmm, now just how to make it apparent, that's the question?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:53pm
I beg to differ on the immediately thing because no one is emotionally ready to start a healthy relationship right after getting out of one. If you are looking for a serious relationship and not just a fling I would just continue to be his friend for the meantime and observe on your own how he's doing with the breakup. I guess I would gauge when to tell him on if he appears to be healing and getting over it. I'm sure he would appreciate a friend during this time and probably won't turn you down either when you ask him later on. The amount of time for healing varies from person to person, but generally I would give it a solid 3 months or so before even going down that route.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:54pm

I think that if a guy is interested in you, it won't matter how long it's been since a breakup before he'll date you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 10:21pm

I think I'm more and definitely happier to wait several months. He isn't himself and I don't want to put pressure on him of any kind, he's far too sweet.

I think a minimum of 3 months, I was thinking 4 in the first instance. I'm happy being his friend and was happy that way before... happy to continue being so. Time will tell, and of course if it's meant to be... if he is interested I'm sure things will eventually progress. But, I don't want to be a rebound and I don't want to be a mistake of any kind. And if I do go there, I want it to last.

Thanks for all your advice guys and girls. Really appreciate it. I'm going to go with my gut and wait. Never let me down before.