How long do you wait?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
How long do you wait?
13
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 9:33pm
My guy friend asked me this Thursday night. He works with this woman, and he says her only flaw has been that she's married. Well, I guess this week he found out they were splitting. He asked me how long is appropriate to wait before "turning on the charm." I told him he needs to wait until she's at least moved out, but it's best to wait a year after she was divorced. His response was that she for sure wouldn't wait that long and if he wanted a chance, he was going to have to pounce. The options he gave me were an hour? An hour and a half? If that gives you any idea of how fast he was thinking!

So what he said does make sense. We all know we should wait to date someone until they've been divorced and healed for awhile, but who really does that? Is pouncing while she's available the way to go?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:42pm

You know no man is going to wait a year.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 11:06pm
I've known him for several years now and I don't think he's ever asked a girl on a date since I've known him. He'd be more likely to invite her out with friends and then put the moves on her. My guess is that he'd try to get her into bed fairly quickly, then try to maintain a semi-relationship until she got clingy. So maybe a girl on the rebound would be perfect for him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 12:04am
It doesn't really matter how long he waits, the question is will she be receptive to his advances then? And if she isn't is he willing to give her the necessary time and space to heal and be ready? If he is certain she's the one then he'll keep pursuing and wait for her to finally say yes. Just like in the novel Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 2:25am
I don't think he's thought about that. For some reason, he does pretty well with the ladies. I don't see what they see, but I get the impression that rejection isn't something he experiences often.

I'm actually looking forward to hearing what happens with this one. The last girl he "dated" we referred to as "crazy chick" for a very good reason. Those stories were good entertainment!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 11:09am

I'm pretty sure there's no universal answer. I think the unhealthier mentally the person getting the divorce is, the faster they latch on to the "next thing".

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 11:34am

I tend to agree.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 7:45pm

That's funny I was talking to someone about this yesterday. There's this very handsome, very intelligent guy who's wife just filed divorce papers(she's having an affair). I've mentioned, since learning this, that I've always been attracted to him. His career is in public service so I can go and see him whenever I feel like it. However, that seems tacky to me. Plus, he's devastated, naturally.

Then we were discussing someone else, who began dating just weeks after his wife died of complications from MS. He married a year later.

If this friend of yours is willing to take on all that baggage, then I'd tell him to go for it. I just don't know how enjoyable it would be dating someone who just left an unhappy marriage and is now faced with a divorce.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 7:53pm

The last one- crazy chick- wasn't yet divorced either, I don't think.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 8:07pm
I could swear you are talking about my divorced bro, who's name just happens to begin with the letter "T". However, his divorce was finalized last year. His ex is a nutjob! It's a good thing I know you don't live in the same state as he :P
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 9:45pm
His divorce could have been finalized last year- I really don't know for sure! You're right- it would be weird if there was any possibility.

Hmmm....I know there was something else I was going to add, but I forgot as soon as I hit the reply button! I know it was something about his nut job ex...hmmm...

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