How long should we wait???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
How long should we wait???
7
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:27pm

I haven't had sex in nearly 9 months and recently started online dating. I have gone out with four or five guys...all duds. Chemistry issues, phantom ghosts, etc. I've met this great guy, he's a gentlemen, down to earth, read to get married, have babies etc. We even had the sex talk last night, I asked him to have an HIV test taken before we were to engage in sex and he said ok. We have been on four official dates and I believe I started talking to him seriously the Friday before the MLK holiday weekend. We met on Match.com, he had sent me e-mails and I didn't respond to a few but he continued to write, come to find out we take the same commuter train home from work and he had seen me a year ago and was very attracted to me, his words. Well at any rate we are dating and I am ready...really ready to take it to the next step. Am I acting out too soon? We would be doing the deed by late February early March.


Tina


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:39pm

This might be NONE of my business - if so, just say so... but did you just loose a baby? I think it's very courageous of you to already be thinking about sex if that's the case.

I think it's the right time to have sex whenever it feels right - it feels right to me right now, but I don't have anyone around!? LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:48pm
I did, I lost my angel baby last October 31, 2005 on Halloween. I was with his father for nine years, I loved this man heart and soul. Keyword is loved, he left me when I was 4 mos. preggers and I never looked back. I miss my baby but to honor my son and God I have to try again, try to be happy. So I am hoping and praying that the Lord will bless with a man who will love me for who I am, marry me and give me babies!!!! So I am dating again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:57pm
I am sorry to hear about your loss - I can't even imagine what it must have been like. As for getting intimate with someone that you are dating - I don't think that there is one set time for which we should all wait. Only you know whether you are ready and how you truly feel about this man. If you are ready to be intimate again and feel like he is someone that you want to share yourseld with, then I don't see the problem. You said that you had the sex talk with him - have you had the talk about how serious you both want to get and how sex factors into that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 5:45pm

WOW - you are an inspiration! I can't even say enough about the faith and hope you must have. May God be with, and greatly BLESS, you!

XOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 6:07pm

You guys are terribly sweet!!!


Thank you for mentioning my

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 7:35pm

I agree with Jules. Its whenver you are both ready for it.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:46pm
I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I can't imagine the emotions you must handle on a daily basis. I think your outlook is admirable.
You describe in your posts that you're looking for a man who wants the same things you do (relationship, marriage, family, etc.). So, as long as you and the man you're dating see things the same way and have the same goals, I don't think there's a set timeline for when you should or should not be having sex. What matters is that it's the right decision for you at the right time and you feel safe (both phsically and emotionally).