How many kids is too many?
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| Sun, 04-15-2007 - 4:29pm |
I got asked out on Friday by this guy that came into my office as a customer. Seemed really nice, and it took guts to ask someone out in that situation, so I said sure. We had a fabulous date last night, he seems really sweet (even brought me flowers!), and we got along really well. (It's not like I get asked out all the time, and it's even rarer that I click with someone.)
But...he has kids...FOUR of them. Now, at my age (29), my dating pool of non-parents is pretty slim. Even the younger guys I've gone out with in the last couple of years have had at least one child. I don't have any myself, but I'd like to have ONE of my own sometime before my body rots ;-) LOL
So, he has a 12 & 13 y/ o (brothers), that he adopted when their parents were killed (very sweet story), and he has a 2 & a 4 y/o from his ex-wife. (He's 33). I've never been involved deeply enough with someone to ever meet their kids, but anything's a possibility...and I'm just not sure if I'd be biting off more than I can chew if it were to get serious.
He's a very sweet guy, that I'd like to give a chance...but I know that I'd catch hell from my family (and already am from my friends)...I just don't know what to do...
So is a single dad with 4 kids every other weekend TOO MUCH?

One kid is too many for me.
I used to prefer not to date men with children but I am becoming more open to the idea the older I get . . .
Four is a lot, wow. I don't know how to advise you on this but I can recount a story my mother told me about a woman who goes to church with her. This girl met and later married a man with four kids. He swept her off her feet, really laid it on thick, woo-ed her to excess. Then, it became increasingly apparent, after their wedding, that all he was searching for was a maid and a mother. She has since left him.
Now, this guy you have begun seeing may be completely different but I would be careful.
That's a call only you can make. He sounds like a pretty good guy and a devoted father. His kids will always come first and he'll do everything to protect them. If he click with him and like kids...then don't be scared off by the number. You'll probably find out if you two are truly compatible long before you meet the kids. In the meantime, you'll have to 'share' him and have your time limited because of his obligations. If something serious DOES develop, you'll still need to share him and limit some of your activities to weekends when he doesn't have kids. Also make sure his ex-wife is stable and that they have a good, positive parenting relationship. I've heard of too many ex's creating lots of drama and ruining relationships.
That's going to differ from one person to the next. For me, four kids would be a "next", part-time custody or not.
I'd consider dating someone with an older child (say, mid/late teens), but it would also depend on the living situation. If full-time custody was involved, pretty unlikely.
Dating a man with ANY children is TOO MANY for me. I did that once... divorced, 3 kids, one step who he had raised since she was practically an infant. All he ever did was whine about child support...but he didn't want them living with him.
The fun in it was that when he left me and married the hoochie who he had been dating behind my back, the kids let him have it. They HATED her & wanted me back in the worst way.
Right now Mr. Pooh & I choose to have none. I have enough nieces & nephews to make me happy.