How many kids is too many?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How many kids is too many?
7
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 4:29pm

I got asked out on Friday by this guy that came into my office as a customer. Seemed really nice, and it took guts to ask someone out in that situation, so I said sure. We had a fabulous date last night, he seems really sweet (even brought me flowers!), and we got along really well. (It's not like I get asked out all the time, and it's even rarer that I click with someone.)

But...he has kids...FOUR of them. Now, at my age (29), my dating pool of non-parents is pretty slim. Even the younger guys I've gone out with in the last couple of years have had at least one child. I don't have any myself, but I'd like to have ONE of my own sometime before my body rots ;-) LOL

So, he has a 12 & 13 y/ o (brothers), that he adopted when their parents were killed (very sweet story), and he has a 2 & a 4 y/o from his ex-wife. (He's 33). I've never been involved deeply enough with someone to ever meet their kids, but anything's a possibility...and I'm just not sure if I'd be biting off more than I can chew if it were to get serious.

He's a very sweet guy, that I'd like to give a chance...but I know that I'd catch hell from my family (and already am from my friends)...I just don't know what to do...

So is a single dad with 4 kids every other weekend TOO MUCH?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 5:13pm

One kid is too many for me.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:49pm

I used to prefer not to date men with children but I am becoming more open to the idea the older I get . . .

Four is a lot, wow. I don't know how to advise you on this but I can recount a story my mother told me about a woman who goes to church with her. This girl met and later married a man with four kids. He swept her off her feet, really laid it on thick, woo-ed her to excess. Then, it became increasingly apparent, after their wedding, that all he was searching for was a maid and a mother. She has since left him.

Now, this guy you have begun seeing may be completely different but I would be careful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:41pm

That's a call only you can make. He sounds like a pretty good guy and a devoted father. His kids will always come first and he'll do everything to protect them. If he click with him and like kids...then don't be scared off by the number. You'll probably find out if you two are truly compatible long before you meet the kids. In the meantime, you'll have to 'share' him and have your time limited because of his obligations. If something serious DOES develop, you'll still need to share him and limit some of your activities to weekends when he doesn't have kids. Also make sure his ex-wife is stable and that they have a good, positive parenting relationship. I've heard of too many ex's creating lots of drama and ruining relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 9:36am
I agree with the others that it's your call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 5:12pm

That's going to differ from one person to the next. For me, four kids would be a "next", part-time custody or not.

I'd consider dating someone with an older child (say, mid/late teens), but it would also depend on the living situation. If full-time custody was involved, pretty unlikely.

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 6:30pm
I'll be brief with this one, lest I rant. For me, any is too much. But I do understand that most of you would like to have children. In my opinion, one or two are enough. Around here, the average in family is to have 4 or 5 children. And 6 is not too uncommon. Perhaps that's just one reason why I don't want any at all. Why push out babies when other women are doing the work for me? Joking aside...I think it's pretty insane what this world is turning to. In a crazy society, I am not one who is quite sane but at least I know where to limit myself in some cases. Honestly, I think only those families who can afford an island should have more than THREE. Child raising is hard, unless you have money to throw away. Of course I find that often the poorer classes are ones to have many children, while the extremely rich are well enough with one or two.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 10:41pm

Dating a man with ANY children is TOO MANY for me. I did that once... divorced, 3 kids, one step who he had raised since she was practically an infant. All he ever did was whine about child support...but he didn't want them living with him.


The fun in it was that when he left me and married the hoochie who he had been dating behind my back, the kids let him have it. They HATED her & wanted me back in the worst way.


Right now Mr. Pooh & I choose to have none. I have enough nieces & nephews to make me happy.


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