How many women feel this way?
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| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 1:36pm |
I have been in deep discussions on a Seattle website about living single, and who is better suited to do this year after year, decade after decade: men or women?
This woman I will call "C", sent me this message and it really tugged at my heartstrings..., and I'm curious how many women feel this way.
She wrote:
"It wasn't supposed to be this way.
When I was a little girl, I always assumed that I would meet a wonderful man and fall in love someday. Funny how life turns out sometimes. As it happens, I have had success beyond my dreams and expectations in so many areas: career, finances, accomplishments, independence, travel, friends, etc. I feel very blessed and I am very grateful. But the one little secret painful ache that I hide deep inside is the love that is missing from my life. I am above all bewildered to have ended up this way: alone. I expected to be with the love of my life for many years by now. I expected to have someone to love and respect and support and share life with. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm not sure how I ended up this way. I try hard to not think about it, to block out the pain, but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface like today, driving home from work, tears streaming down my face.
And the ironic thing is that I would trade my great job and career and house and investments/rentals and everything for love. People, not things, are what life is all about! Love is what makes everything else worthwhile.
My life feels so empty. It wasn't supposed to be this way!"
I hear a lot of women say how happy they are being single and living alone, but in truth who really feels like "C"?
Adrastos

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Surprisingly enough,
I wouldn't for one minute *trade* my life (especially my wonderful friends and all the travel I've been fortunate enough to do) but I would like to *add* a romantic relationship to it.
My life doesn't feel empty but it doesn't feel complete, either. There really is no substitute for having a partner in life. But realistically, I have to accept that given my unwillingness to settle for less than a healthy relationship with someone of good character to whom I am attracted and who wants a serious LTR, I may end up alone. It's difficult to make peace with that--I can't seem to give up hope completely nor am I sure I want to, but having hopes that are unlikely to be fulfilled is hard.
Sheri
I definitely relate. In fact, I wrote a blog months ago on how I value people and the relationships in my life more than material possession, which don't love or support you back. That is definitely me. And my biggest fear is to be 40 or 50 or 60 and have only had my career success, accomplishments adn travels to look back on. But no family, no husband, no children, no grandchildren etc.
I mean one of the main reasons for the career aspirations was to be able to provide for a family one day. If I'm never granted that opportunity, well I can't say I'd be thrilled with that.
I probably worry about the prospect of finding love again more than anything else n my life.
What about your friendships? Honestly, as I look back on my life from the ripe old age of 48 ;-), I feel I've gotten MUCH more out of my friendships than I did out of my 10 year relationship with my ex-husband and I am proud and honored to have such good friends in my life. That's not to belittle our relationship or marriage in any way (much of it was good, we basically fell out of love though), but it's my friendships that really define my life much more than my romantic relationships. So even if you do end up single, I hope you will have those to look back on as well in addition to the other things you mention--friendships have great value, IMO.
Not that I wouldn't be happy to ADD a good, healthy romantic relationship to the mix as I said in my other post, and I'm not saying that friendships take the place of a romantic relationship (they don't), but they are important and can be very satisfying as well.
Sheri
I don’t see love as a romantic relationship…, a romantic relationship is a sexual relationship between two friends who are not willing to give 100% at the time.
I see love as two people who come together as one: One flesh, one soul, one heart. While we’re at it…, and since so many people are against it…., I also believe love means one bank account, one e-mail account, and one mailing address. This is the kind of love that knows no bounds. This is the kind of love I had in the past…, and although I got burned: in finances, and in custody….,
…, if I ever fall in love again, it will be the same…, NO BARRIERS.
All I hear people talk about today is romantic relationship’s…, not true love.
Love is unique and varied. Each person’s understanding of love is different from the next. Love varies from one period to another along a human’s lifespan: a person may, or may not have many loves, but each experience will be different from the next. Adding it up, or pinning it down, is impossible.
Love is like sunshine: if you draw the shades on your heart, how is love to find a way in?
Past loves are like a shattered mirror…, leaving behind images etched in people’s hearts and minds: both good and bad available in its pieces, readily available to be picked up and examined.
Many people are fortunate to share true love and all it’s mystery, but while love can produce the most tender and delicate feelings in anyone’s soul, it alone can open a chasm of pain beyond imagination.
When a tired and weary man returns home from traveling, he says to himself, “Finally, I am home”…., and this feeling is beyond compare. But it is a microcosm of feeling compared to being embraced in your woman’s arms…, here too I say “Finally, I am home”, but the depth of that feeling makes the former a shallow pond, and the later an ocean of joy.
Love is a kind of process: it makes you understand yourself…, only through this process, will you be able to become a soul, to become a part of the circle of life.
I have loved 3 times in my life…, and I worry that I have used up my wishes. But I will never confuse the difference between “romantic relationship”…, and LOVE!!
Adrastos
Edited 10/12/2006 2:34 pm ET by adrastos
Well, we obviously are not working with the same definitions. But that's ok--I know what I mean by "romantic relationship" and it's not the same as your definition.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Well, I have a number of friends in my life I've known for 25-30 years and we are still good friends, despite not seeing each other as often as we'd like (I live on the opposite coast but still see them when I'm back east and keep in touch--I'm seeing a bunch of them next week in fact) and despite them having kids, etc. It's not the quantity of how often you see each other, IMO, it's the depth of the connection and how you are a constant in each other's lives that is important to me. Even though I haven't seen them since last year, we are close enough and have known each other long enough to be able to pick up right where we left off and that is a wonderful feeling.
Again, I'm not saying friendships can replace having a partner (I do understand that longing, believe me), but they can had much happiness, depth and meaning to your life.
Sheri
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