How many women feel this way?
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| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 1:36pm |
I have been in deep discussions on a Seattle website about living single, and who is better suited to do this year after year, decade after decade: men or women?
This woman I will call "C", sent me this message and it really tugged at my heartstrings..., and I'm curious how many women feel this way.
She wrote:
"It wasn't supposed to be this way.
When I was a little girl, I always assumed that I would meet a wonderful man and fall in love someday. Funny how life turns out sometimes. As it happens, I have had success beyond my dreams and expectations in so many areas: career, finances, accomplishments, independence, travel, friends, etc. I feel very blessed and I am very grateful. But the one little secret painful ache that I hide deep inside is the love that is missing from my life. I am above all bewildered to have ended up this way: alone. I expected to be with the love of my life for many years by now. I expected to have someone to love and respect and support and share life with. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm not sure how I ended up this way. I try hard to not think about it, to block out the pain, but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface like today, driving home from work, tears streaming down my face.
And the ironic thing is that I would trade my great job and career and house and investments/rentals and everything for love. People, not things, are what life is all about! Love is what makes everything else worthwhile.
My life feels so empty. It wasn't supposed to be this way!"
I hear a lot of women say how happy they are being single and living alone, but in truth who really feels like "C"?
Adrastos

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'....in truth who really feels like "C"?'
Every woman on this planet who is single and alone. Some admit it, others don't. It is so incredibly true, for every female on Earth: 'And the ironic thing is that I would trade my great job and career and house and investments/rentals and everything for love. People, not things, are what life is all about! Love is what makes everything else worthwhile'. Absolutely and 100% true and any woman who will argue with that is just trying to 'self-preserve' through hiding her real feelings. Jobs, shmobs, money shmoney. 1900 or 2006, women were put on the planet to share their lives with partners, not make money for some company and themselves, purchase bricks and cement and metal and then die alone.
>Every woman on this planet who is single and alone
Although I am not a woman I don't think this is entirely correct. I don't believe there is a 'single' woman on this planet who at one point or another didn't choose to be single.
>I would trade my great job and career and house and
>investments/rentals and everything for love.
There are many people who give up everything they own to be single. It's called getting a divorce.
Being in love and being in a relationship are two entirely different things.
Edited 10/13/2006 6:57 am ET by hal_9000
'Being in love and being in a relationship are two entirely different things'
Agree, totally. I should have clarified - what I meant was a happy loving and fulfilling partnership and not just being with someone for the sake of being part of a couple.
*****Absolutely and 100% true and any woman who will argue with that is just trying to 'self-preserve' through hiding her real feelings. Jobs, shmobs, money shmoney. 1900 or 2006, women were put on the planet to share their lives with partners, not make money for some company and themselves, purchase bricks and cement and metal and then die alone.*****
Wow! Julia..., I have been on this site for quite a while, and I’ve read a lot of things: some I have agreed with..., some I haven’t. But every now and then the truth of things comes out..., just every now and then.
This is one of those times!
Adrastos
I pretty much share the same sentiments as juliasuk.
I recall the happiest times in my life as being in my early 20s. I didn't have a thing; I was a broke struggling college student, scraping by on $6 an hour, living with my parents, driving an old crappy car. I had little friends, never got to travel or vacation and I didn't have much of a social life. But I was madly in love with a guy that was madly in love back and it was the most euphoric feeling to have someone be all about me support me and just want to be with me. I went to bed every night contented and thinking of him and woke every morning, ready to embrace the new day with an extra bounce in my step. Sure, my whole life wasn't perfect, but having that kind of passionate love can make everything seem so much better.
Meanwhile, after we broke up, I was actually more 'successful' than I'd ever been. I got promoted to the marketing position I always wanted, got my own place, was working on a master's, had a ton of new girlfriends and we were hitting the town every weekend. I did some traveling and started splurging on myself. It was fun and there have been some great times.
But I can't say I feel the same level of satisfaction and contentment as I did when I had that love in my life. At the end of the day, something always feels as if its missing. I find myself filling my life up with more and more things just to distract myself from that void that never goes away.
There are weekends where I hit 4-5 different parties, events and get-togethers, throwing myself into the social scene, when what I'd really like to do is just stay in and suggle up to someone I love...
....like I used to.
>But I was madly in love with a guy that was madly in love back
So why did you break up?
This is by far the scariest post I've even read! And that's probably because the OP and responses touch my greatest fear, being alone.
I'm only 24, very young by many standards and I've only been single for a few months. I can honestly say at this point it's by choice and I'm not interested in dating right now. But I still have hope, I'm young, everyone says I'm a catch, I'm feeling in control of my life. However these posts discourage me because everyone was once at this spot, where you were confident you would find someone to love, maybe even someone to love forever, through thick and thin. I can't imagine that there's a chance I could be single for the rest of my life, watching the couples of the world live my dream.
I've made the choice to not be married, a couple times already too. My theory was that I would rather be on my own than in a loveless marriage with a guy that was all wrong for me, in a relationship that made me unhappy. I guess that's how most women feel or else we would all hit a certain point and just marry the next guy we could get to propose. Maybe we will always hang on to hope, and never settle, but instead just deal with the emptiness day by day.
I guess right now I'm sitting here thinking, do I force myself to date and accept offers now for fear of being a lonely old woman or do I keep doing what makes me happy & content for now and wait to be ready again. Oy vey! This is a lot of though for a Friday!
'...do I force myself to date and accept offers now for fear of being a lonely old woman or do I keep doing what makes me happy & content for now and wait to be ready again'
Noone, 24 or 44, should ever just accept an offer for the sake of not being alone; at your age, not only do you not have to 'settle' for anything but exactly what you want, you have all the time in the world to, as you say, 'keep doing what makes you happy and content for now and wait to be ready again'. You've got it all ahead of you, it has only just begun for you - you have the luxury of time being very much on your side so just take your time and when you're ready, do not settle for anything but the best - for you.
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