How many women feel this way?
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| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 1:36pm |
I have been in deep discussions on a Seattle website about living single, and who is better suited to do this year after year, decade after decade: men or women?
This woman I will call "C", sent me this message and it really tugged at my heartstrings..., and I'm curious how many women feel this way.
She wrote:
"It wasn't supposed to be this way.
When I was a little girl, I always assumed that I would meet a wonderful man and fall in love someday. Funny how life turns out sometimes. As it happens, I have had success beyond my dreams and expectations in so many areas: career, finances, accomplishments, independence, travel, friends, etc. I feel very blessed and I am very grateful. But the one little secret painful ache that I hide deep inside is the love that is missing from my life. I am above all bewildered to have ended up this way: alone. I expected to be with the love of my life for many years by now. I expected to have someone to love and respect and support and share life with. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm not sure how I ended up this way. I try hard to not think about it, to block out the pain, but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface like today, driving home from work, tears streaming down my face.
And the ironic thing is that I would trade my great job and career and house and investments/rentals and everything for love. People, not things, are what life is all about! Love is what makes everything else worthwhile.
My life feels so empty. It wasn't supposed to be this way!"
I hear a lot of women say how happy they are being single and living alone, but in truth who really feels like "C"?
Adrastos

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So I supposed the thousands or millions of nuns and priests who choose celibacy, no marriage and no children don't count? Not all human beings have the same needs and purposes on this planet. We are more than just creatures of instinct. We are humans, not cats and dogs. Iri
I fully admit it - I totally feel the same way as "C."
I'm right where you are.
2-3 years ago, I too was in a serious relationship where I hoped to marry that man and create a life with him. We were looking at engagement rings and planning on moving in with each other. To get so close to the finish line and then be pushed all the way back to the start is hard to deal with. Equally as frustrating is too look at the past 2+ years and see that little progress has been made. I was dumped all the back at Stage One and have had little success getting to Stage Two...Stage Three...etc. It's even more frustating.
Add to that that I am meeting more and more people in their 30's who are still single and haven't yet met that true love for themselves and what use to feel that a definite, now feels like a maybe or probably not. Its a hard dose of reality that not all of us will find a true, lasting love. That it is granted for some but not all. It sucks and it's been a struggle to come to grips with that reality.
Ahh, countrygirl and cl214, we should start a club. Sounds like we've all had similar experiences. I was the one friend who didn't marry her bf, and I thought I would be the first of our group to get married to the man I was with at the time.
I thought when I broke up with my LT-bf two years ago (after 5 years together) that it wouldn't be that long before I met someone wonderful. I thought, "ok, he wasn't the one and I just needed the freedom to find the one." Yeah, two plus years later and I'm still alone.
Acceptance is a challenge, but necessary, in this case. Things don't always work the way we want them to, and the longing is difficult sometimes.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
"I thought when I broke up with my LT-bf two years ago (after 5 years together) that it wouldn't be that long before I met someone wonderful. I thought, "ok, he wasn't the one and I just needed the freedom to find the one." Yeah, two plus years later and I'm still alone."
Yeah, I could definitely join that club. I thought I'd be the first to get married and that it wouldn't take me long to find a new love. Haven't been so lucky. It also particularly sucks knowing the ex got married right after we broke up. Makes me feel like there's been no poetic justice in this situation.
Only thing I can do is put it out of my mind and surround myself with good people and hopefully great experiences.
I feel as C does, but I'm not so far along in my life.
I'm in school, have a job that pays more than they are supposed to pay me. I can almost buy anything I like.
These are all good things, but of course...I'm missing what C is missing.
The guy I'm interested in (or was interested in, I guess) asked me, "Do you feel like you need to be in love?"
I wanted to tell him "Yes," but...I wasn't up for having to hear, "Well, that's too bad - I can't do anything about that."
May C and all of the ladies who are missing love find their life partners.
Good luck, everyone.
I feel like C. Cursed to be single for the rest of my life now that i have experienced love and lose of it several times.
I have been divorced for 9 years, I was single for 2 years of those 9, met a man whom i thought was great who had turned out to be not so great. I was with him for 5 years, lived with him 3 of those 5 years and left him 1 year ago and have not dated men since.
I had moved in with my mother because i was not emotionally ready to be alone because i had been assaulted/raped by an aquaintance a year before i left my former fiance. I was hoping to have my own place at least 6 months after moving in with mom but my body had other ideas. I had sprained my back, hips, legs, knees and ankles twice at two jobs i had this past year and am now under doctors care and Temporarily disabled.
I have met a few nice men these past 6 months and have befriended one whom i think is funny and great to be around. He knows about my emotional past, he knows I am not ready to be in a steady love affair. He too has told me he had a bad breakup and is in no way looking for a commitment romance at this time. This year is going to be his 'ME TIME'.
I can respect that because I took this past year for ME as well. I discovered new things that i want to try to accomplish, and old things i would love to finish. I discovered who ME really is. I will be single for as long as God shall allow. i plan to enjoy it even though at times i wish i had that certain someone to lean on, but yet i do not want to fall back into those oh so dreadful co-dependancies of my past.
I cry because i failed at relationships. I failed them because of stupid things I did in my marriage that i could have averted if i had gone to counseling with my X hubby. My last relationship was a disaster not totally my fault. I did not ask to be raped. I did not provoke it. I could not recover from the visual context of my attacker because it was a direct family member to my X-fiance. I had to detach from that visual aspect to heal. I had to save myself from suicidal thoughts because I have children who need their mother.
This is why i cry about my lonliness at this time. not because i am goin whoa is me. I know that somewhere out there is my future waiting for me. If it includes a mate for my next half of my life...great...if not...i deal with it best i can.
This is why i come to this board. To read, to support, to connect with you, to vent, to cry about me, to cry with you, to be a non biased e-peep for those who feel as i do, to ask your advice, to give advice when asked. Doing this helps me heal as i am helped by all you to help me heal and go through life knowing that people do care, even when they do not know who i am personally.
So we may be alone in the reality of it all, but in cyberspace we are together in a friendship over fiberoptic land lines, internet.
Patti
Angie
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