how many of you have had this happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
how many of you have had this happen?
1
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 1:47pm

this is enough to make a girl go crazy!!!!

OK...many of you may not know but i am a rape survivor(raped a year before i left my fiance).

It had been 15 months after i had left my fiance before i began to date again. I met a man who was younger than me...by 9 years. We went out a few times, i visited him at his place and he came to my apartment frequently. WELL, that was a good two months start to what i thought would be a nice beginning to a good relationship.

THEN: he gets into a financial jam and can't renew his apartment lease...SO, he decides to move back home with his parents. His parents live at good 45 minutes away from where i live. He moves in, sends me one email telling me he was all settled in. It was a short note. Not even a mention of getting together with me after his car is out of the garage.

This is saturday the 3rd of march. It has been 10 days since i heard from him. He knows my number. He did not give me his parents number. In fact...he had said to me that he was weary of giving it to me because HE KNOWS HOW THEY CAN BE and it would be best if i didnt have it ...he continued to "fiddle play around" and tell me that he would call me when they were not home. OMG, now, mind you, he was telling me this about 10 to 12 days ago when i last saw him, too. I immediately verballized to him that his statement made me think he was bailing on me and that he wasn't moving in with his family but to another chicks place and he was lying to me. HE denied it of course, but his actions are speaking to me that i was right.
HE USED ME!!!!!!!! Sorry i am yelling...but i am venting and angry. I feel raped all over again. I am strong and since i had voiced my instant opinion i was already aware that this could be his truth and that he was not owning it.It was my instant intuition! I mentally prepared myself then and have since concluding i was SO RIGHT.
I sent him an email today telling him exactly how i feel and how i see the issue at hand. I asked him to BE A MAN, and tell me the truth. I am giving him one week to come clean and then i am off to dateland again. I am not waiting around for a jerk like that.

What i don't get is why some men have to run away and not own their feelings and desires. Don't they realize that bailing out like this does more damage to a woman than being honest and walking away from a relationship dignified with grace and honesty? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will i ever find the right person to connect with? I enjoy being single, but i would also love to have a great relationship with a wonderful man who treats me with respect.

DO THEY EXIST?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 5:58pm

Was he the type of person who called you every day, did he ask you out properly, giving you plenty of notice, did you guys go out at least a couple of times per month or was he more casual about the two of you? I ask because he may not realize how much stock you have in the relationship. He may be completely unaware of the signals that he's sending you with his nonchalance. Guys claim that they do not *think* about these things . . .

On the other hand, LOL, you could be correct about your suspicions. Perhaps you will get some answers once he's read the email you sent to him.