How much do people really want to hear?
Find a Conversation
How much do people really want to hear?
| Mon, 10-29-2007 - 8:37pm |
I have a male coworker who is always very negative about himself and complains that he has a hard time meeting women. He's a good looking guy, with a lot going for him, except he has an issue with low self-esteem and it is one of the first things you notice about him. I think it stems from the fact that he used to be heavy and has that lingering image of himself. He is definitely better looking than his best friend (another coworker of mine), but his friend has a much more positive outlook, making him more attractive to women.
A female coworker and I were discussing him today and we both would love to smack a little sense into him and explain why he is turning off women.

Unless he's specifically asking you for advice on this, I'd let it go.
Sheri
I agree with Shari. My policy is don't offer advice unless asked. And even when asked, I always turn it back on them to find their own answers within. I heard that advice is only listened to if the person agrees with it anyway.
Plus telling him to have more self confidence is useless in my opinion. This is a long term, inside out, commitment and process. I would bet that receiving advice on having a more positive outlook will not change his self image.
If your real reason is to shut him up then next time he complains, ask him what is he going to do about it (i.e. take personal responsibility of his life).
Mark
---
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Edited 10/29/2007 11:15 pm ET by mhash
Edited 10/29/2007 11:17 pm ET by mhash
I think if he asked you and your coworker directly why he's having problems I think it's okay to tell him but I would handle him with kid gloves. His ego is obviously fragile and I don't know that he could handle a smack in the head and brutal honesty. I think it would be better to handle it in a really postive manner of that he is a really great looking guy but that maybe with him being heavy before he is seeing himself still through negative glasses and that negativity is seeping through he needs to be more positive, women like positivity, we like confidence about himself, hold himself in a more positive manner.
Smile,
Deirdre
Some of my coworkers cornered me at a department retreat last year and offered me some unsolicited advice -- about fashion, my hair, my love life (they're all married and of course know best, right?). It was an awful feeling, and I drove away in tears. I didn't want coworkers horning in on my personal life. Since then, I have shared almost nothing personal at work unless it's something really mundane.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Thanks for the feedback. I'll leave it alone unless he brings it up again and might say something like...."I don't understand why you have such trouble meeting women since you are such a good-looking guy." That might give him the ego boost without pointing out the low self-esteem. Hopefully my female coworker will be there at the time to agree with me....hearing it from 2 of us can't hurt!