How soon for sex?
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| Sun, 05-27-2007 - 1:27am |
Since my divorce 2 years ago, I've dated a lot of guys, mostly through online dating. Most of them never go past a handful of dates, a few weeks, and only 2 have lasted longer, but longer was only a month and a half or two months.
I've become a lot more sexually adventurous being back in the dating world, so I tend to kind of go with the flow, and if I'm going to sleep with someone, it's usually on the 3rd-ish date. Sounds slutty, I know. Some of these guys I've talked to for a few weeks online and on the phone before meeting them, so I almost get this false sense of "knowing" them, I guess, and it just seems that it's easier to go ahead and do it rather than get out of it when the situation is right in front of me. It just *happens*. And, I guess, it feels like a progression of things...date one, there's some kissing, date two, some making out, date three, clothes start coming off and there's the point of no return. And of course, I want a "relationship" to progress with these guys, so I "figure" that sex is the next step in making a relationship progress.
But, I just started seeing a new guy. We met on Yahoo Personals, and clicked really well. We've spent lots of time talking on the phone in between dates. it's been 2 weeks and 2 dates, Date 3 is Monday. Date 2 was some sweet kissing on the couch...so you know what that means...Date 3 will show some skin...and I don't want to fall past the point of no return.
Is this feeling a normal part of dating in your late 20's? Do you guys do this, too? And how do I *not* do it? I'm just confused on this one, because I *really* like this guy, we've clicked better than anybody I've ever met, and I really want a relationship with him. Which makes it that much harder to not want to rip his clothes off! LOL

It's great when we meet someone we actually *want* to rip their clothes off! So it's quite normal to want to do do that. But there's a difference between *wanting* to and being *ready* to have sex.
If you're not ready to have sex (no matter how bad you want it!), state your boundary. Tell him it's going no farther than kissing, that you're not ready for more at this point.... and tell YOURSELF that too. Keep reminding yourself that even though it *feels* good, you're not ready for it. And when things get hot and heavy, stop, tell him (and you) "No, this is what I will and won't do right now", and cool down for a bit. For now, it might be a good idea to stay away from couches...and beds.... and parked cars ;) lol
Some people have sex right away and the relationships work out. My guess is that most often this isn't the case. And with guys you've met online, you don't know them at all after 3 dates....it's not like a friend or aquaintance that you already know their general character.
I suggest you WAIT, WAIT, WAIT to have sex with this new guy! A relationship doesn't happen after 3 dates and having sex doesn't mean you have a relationship. If he's interested in you for more than sex, he will have no problem waiting.
Maybe you've gotten the "new sex, with new guys, and hey I'm desired" sex out of your system since your divorce, so it might be easier to hold off with the guy you like??
Good Luck!
zjaney
this might sound prudish to you, but I say wait to have sex till you're sure that this is a mutually exclusive relationship and of course as the other posting mentioned, wait till you're ready, emotionally. In the meanwhile, if you haven't already done so, go get tested for STIs/STDs,as well as your annual Pap smear, and if you 2 are really thinking of having sex, then talk to him and encourage him to go get checked for a clean bill of health for both of you before you start exchanging....body fluids.
you just never know.....
I know exactly what you mean.
LOL at "don't shave your legs. Leave your place a disaster. Whatever it takes."
Here's another one: Only meet at the date
How soon is too soon for sex? Never.
Seriously, as a guy, I have never heard another man dump a girl because she wanted to have sex too soon. Wanting to "jump" to sex does not lose a girl points. In fact, by putting off sex longer, you run the risk of him thinking you're a tease and just stringing him along, trying to milk him for dates or companionship when he's getting nothing in return sexually.
This is not my cynicism talking, I've heard several, several guys of all ages complain of females putting off sex. Making us "work for it" doesn't make us respect you more. To us, it's a frustration and annoyance, and really makes guys lose respect for the girl he's dating. I new this guy who genuinely really liked this girl he dated when they first started going out, but she didn't let him have sex with her until they'd gone out for 4 months. When we saw him, his first response was "the ***** finally put out."
I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm just giving you a warning of how many men may percieve you.