How would you handle this...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
How would you handle this...?
4
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 4:37pm

My ex-fiance and I broke up last month. I'm not wanting to "date" anyone yet, but I'm new to the area and would like to meet people.

I joined a local club, and a guy in the club called me last night to see if I wanted to "grab a bite to eat." It was around 7:30pm and I had just gotten out of the gym. He said, "are you free tomorrow night?" I said I was, so now he and I are going to go out to dinner tonight. I certainly didn't want to tell him during the call last night that I'm not wanting to date. But I do want to get the point across that I don't want to date him...I see this as 2 acquaintances just "grabbing a bite to eat." I guess I'm splitting hairs, but is there a good way to tell him this? I'm just planning on telling him that I fairly recently got out of a serious relationship and am not quite ready to go there yet. FYI - He's really not the type of guy I would date, anyway.

What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 5:19pm

I'd say bring up your recent breakup as soon as possible during dinner (work it into conversation), pay for your own meal, and ask for his advice on great places to meet people because you're new in town.

You might even say that you were happy to meet a new friend like him through the club, and you'd love to join him and his friends if they are ever going out to do "x"

I think you can make it clear that you're not into dating right now without scaring him off as a friend.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 5:20pm
P.S. - so sorry to hear about the breakup. I meant to say that in my first post. hang in there!

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:45pm

I would say something along the lines of what you have planned...and above all, be sure to split the check. You don't want to send the wrong message by accepting a courtship gesture like him paying the bill.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:13pm

Oi vey...what a night. I am so not ready for the dating world...in more ways than one. I tried keeping the evening light and friendly...I told him that I wasn't ready to start dating and that I was glad I was finally starting to meet new friends. At dinner, I tried splitting the bill with him, but he was having none of that. And then he tried kissing me at the end of the night...and I just gave him a quick peck and a hug. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I was so hoping he wouldn't go there, that he would recognize that I wasn't giving him any "come hither" looks.

Assuming he asks me out again, I will politely decline.

However...in general, what do you do during a 1st date when you just know that there will never be a date #2? What do you do in that situation?