I am an *awful* person

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I am an *awful* person
10
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 4:01am
I went out tonight to a place I've been going to about every 2-3 weeks. It's where I met the guy (P) who's really into me, but I'm not so into him. I like him, but I don't really feel the need to kiss him. I texted him before I went, though, just a "hey, I'm gonna be at xyz tonight if you're going to be there." He said he was going, and we exchanged a few friendly words, but nothing really flirtatious. Once he got there, I started to wonder if I should give him a chance. He's only two years older than me, which is younger than I thought he was. He sat next to me most of the night. Then...he went to the bathroom...or to smoke (which I expressed my distaste in). Another guy moved in. Asked what I was drinking. I told him, then my (married and clueless) friend told him what she was drinking. He bought us (but I'm sure he meant just me) a couple of drinks tonight. He was young and I didn't get his name. Then along comes R. He's apparently P's friend, but he's flirting with me once P leaves. He tells me he's quite a bit older. Again, P leaves and another guy moves in. I want to instantly rip this guy's clothes off. Seriously. He's hot. Then he tells me he's a teacher. He asks me if P is my boyfriend (bc he's taken his seat, and P is sitting on the other side of me now) and I tell him no, but he'd like to be. We talk for awhile, but I told him that I feel bad for not talking to P. So he walks away. I got called up to sing, and we grab hands and exchange glances on the way. Later (while P is off again, smoking) he comes over and is flirting-hard. At one point, he kissed me in front of everyone. Then he asks me to go outside with him. I led him out where I know there are people and he just keeps kissing me, telling me I'm beautiful, etc. then I see P walk out. Ugh. J asked for my number, and I gave it to him, then told him I needed to go back inside bc I'd left my friend. So I'm getting ready to leave, telling J goodbye, and P walks by- seeing us again. As I'm finally leaving, R stops me and asks me for my number! I told him he was too old, (49) but I'd take it for a friend. On my way home, I got a text from P- he's not happy. Ugh. I'm pretty sure he knew what was up. He asked me out-again- and I told him I hadn't decided yet. In the meantime, I want to rip J's clothes off and am resisting the urge to text him right now!!! I told him I think he's a player. He says he's a nerd. I guess if I hear from him, we'll find out. I feel bad for ditching the "nice" guy, but he really wasn't doing it for me!! I'm sure this makes no sense! Too many men. Too many initials. Essentially, I left with two guys' numbers tonight, and the nice guy was not happy about it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 12:09am

I forget, how old are you shyone, in your early 30's. How come you don't feel attracted to P? is it b/c of his looks or is there no mental connection.

But I  understand people have minimum threshold for looks. If he's butt-ugly or is an absolute bore, then let him go but if there's any hope at all for a connection, give him a chance - it's hard sometimes b/c I was guilty of letting good guys slip through my fingers b/c I was too shallow.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:30pm

 Me too!!

chaika

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:28pm

  Nope nothing awful at all.  i have been a beard for women who i liked but knew they were not attracted to me.  At the end we were friends and helped each other.  Let him (The friend) know where he stands so there are no mixed feelings.  Life is opportunities and letting the big one go is a mistake.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:10pm

Well it might be too late for the advice, but I look at a date as a chance to get to know someone better.  Our newspaper has this feature called Dinner with Cupid where they fix people up & pay for them to go out to dinner--only problem is that they interview them later & they have to rate the date.  Some people are really mean.  There's a lot of "there was no chemistry" stuff which can be true, but I just feel like people don't give each other a chance sometimes--like if you are together for a couple of hours, do you really know someone that well?  I'm sure you can tell if someone is just horrendous that you can't even wait to get home, but if you're kind of not sure about someone, how about taking a little time to get to know them better before deciding?

And I'm not saying this particularly to Shywon, but just in general.

So Shy, we will be waiting for the report.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 4:44pm

Well, he asked me to go see a movie with him tonight and I said yes. He's picking me up in an hour. I think I'm gonna puke! Dating makes me so nervous!!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 11:46am

You aren't awful, you're just having fun - that's what single people are supposed to do ;)  Can't beat yourself up for not digging the nice one.  Hopefully, he'll find someone who will reciprocate his feelings down the road.  Best to let him figure it out now so he can begin the search for that person.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 11:02am

I don't think you are awful.  I think asking someone to meet you at your regular place is not the same as going on a date so you really didn't owe P your undivided attention.  However, you need to decide whether you want to date him or not--it's not fair to keep going back & forth.  Either you should tell him that you like him but you just want to be friends and not date him, or actually go on a date and see what he's like one on one.  My 2nd DH was bugging me for a while to go out w/ him and I kept putting him off--finally I just told him that maybe we should go out on an actual date since most of the time I was seeing him in the group that we belonged to.  And we know what happened then.

I sure am impressed that you have so many guys admiring you.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 10:36am
Well, the nice guy is pretty upset with me. I think he might have taken my "Are you going to be there?" text as an invitation. I just meant it as saying we could chat if he was there. I was actually starting to think about kissing him, then something happened. I told him he had a chance, but when he kept leaving my side he left me open to other guys. Since he didn't seem to mind it, because he wasn't even trying to talk to me anymore, I didn't think he was interested. Or as interested. Apparently I was wrong. I do think the whole situation made me realize what I was having an issue with when it comes to dating him. Once I knew he was upset, it made me like him more for some reason. It was like I saw a sort of passion (as much as I could since he was texting me) that I hadn't seen before. I think before, I just assumed he was asking me out bc he wanted to date *someone*. Now I believe he wanted to date *me*. Maybe it's a good thing. We'll see. The other guy- the one who was kissing me- has my number, but I don't expect to hear from him. I'm pretty sure he was just trying to get in my pants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 9:33am

Hey Shy,

I think its admirable that you are considering the feelings of the original guy - it just shows that you are a decent person.  If you are more attracted to the other guy, however, that is the way it goes and you shouldn't feel bad about that.

I hate to say......but men seem to have no remorse about these situations and among two friends sitting together will make their preference completely known........

Anyhow, I would also be flattered.  I would try and respect the first guy's feelings, but keep in mind that you have to do what's best for you.  :)

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 7:54am

Ha You are not awful but just a single woman who is free to do what she wants...

Heck. You have no one to answer to and if you want to date a dozen men or flirt with two dozen or whatever its your ch oice because of your freedom...

I would just take this all in and be flattered and know that you can attract all different kinds of men and be happy that you still got it..

So narrow it down to who you like the best and date that one and if not then start over...

Heck.. Isnt that what life is all about ..The choices we make and the men we choose who are the best fit for us..