I am Dying inside here :( UPDATE

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
I am Dying inside here :( UPDATE
4
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 12:56am

Well today I found an article on how to get over a 'crush'/lust and one of the many helpful suggestions I have taken to heart and I'm going to read it over and overand OVER again until it is in grained in my head!!!!

Basically it told me to make a list of the things that you don't like about the person...something negative and although I did find myself repeating some of the things BUT wording them differently...it STILL came up to 21 things!

Also about asking the ex-fwb to help me move...that's scratched too...my friend and wing-woman is friends with LOTS of guys so the new plan will be for her to gather some of those men up to help me move... All this came about yesterday after I once again took 20 steps back..Basically what had happened was that I had in a moment of weakness and assuming that we were cool with one another..I had asked him if I could come over to hang out and catch up...well he responded no and then he asked me if he could come over to my place instead...well I said yes and he told me that he would be over at 1030pm friday night.well I cleaned up my place while watching the Olympics and waited for him to show up...WELL obviously he was a no-show....so since I didn't have his number I e-mailed him to ask him if he was still on his way...1hour  after he was suppose to be at my place already...well around 11pm I thought to myself...he BETTER call me to cancel and he did...3MINUTES before MIDNIGHT!!..he calls me and states that he had been helping a friend move ..well when he had called me..he had already been in bed trying to get some sleep after he had taken his Ambien...The simple fact is that he should have called me WAY before that AND he's just playing with me like some rag doll .....he NEVER respected me and he NEVER WILL and no matter WHAT it takes...I will STICK to my list of things that he has done to me so that I will NEVER forget so there will NEVER be another weak moment because his word means nothing to me because he has never kept his word with me on ANYTHING yet I kept giving him chance after chance after chance..and in the process just only managed to break my heart more and more.

Well going out last night...I had SO much fun and realized that I need to keep doing what I'm doing and reading that list if I even feel a slight sway...It really will be HIS loss and I feel now that I will finally be moving on more in a positive direction instead of being stagnant.Thank you everyone!!! :smileyhappy:

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:36am

Glad you finally recognized this person for who they are...Here's (I'm cheers-ing you with my glass of OJ) to finding someone worth your time and thoughtfulness. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:46am

Don't beat yourself up - we all take steps forward and back in these things.  But you sound like you have a new resolve to get through this, which is good.  I toast to you as well (with a cup of tea!)

Do you think you can commit to no contact whatsoever for a while?   It might be helpful to find a friend who agrees that anytime you want to call or text him, you call her instead.  I've found that helpful in the past-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 11:17am

I think sometimes we need something to remind ourselves why we are not still with the jerk.  Print out this message and when you have a moment of weakness remind yourself of how he treats you.  And who decides to move on Friday night?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 3:00pm

Hello :smileyhappy: What he had told me  is that he had been helping a friend move...he had been suppose to meet me  that night  at 1030pm...I had no idea what his plans were from the time he had left work and from when he was suppose to meet me.I had just assumed that since HE was the one that suggested the time...that he would follow through with it...obviously I was wrong....

Also on that list it stated to not have any contact with this person for a long time...which by the way was my original plan a long time ago...like before April...BUT when I would not call for about 3 weeks or so...then he would contact me..mainly through e-mail BUT NOW...my list has grown to 25 things now and I will stick to them because I'm tired of the deceit..why keep someone around OR pretend to be their friend when you don't really want to be OR don't treat them with the respect that they deserve?I mean with ALL this technology nowadays...he should have called me to cancel RIGHT when he KNEW that he would not be able to make it...No more energy spent on this person no more!