I am so ANGRY!
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I am so ANGRY!
| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 7:33pm |
Hi Members,
I just need some advice. I am sure some of you know that my BF passed away about 2 years ago. It's been really hard and when I decided to start dating again, I found out that one of my coworkers like me. I know you guys are probably clingying by now but yes, I had a huge crush on him so I told him I will go out with him and that we have to take things easy because it's a new territory. Needless to say, things went pretty well and we ended up in bed together. After some time, we decided to stay coworkers instead of dating. Sadly, I like him a lot and he just moved on, got married and had a child. To say I was crush is an understatement but being the mature person I am, I kept my feelings inside and act very professional with him. To make a long story short, another co-worker suddenly got interested in me. I told him I wasn't interested but he pushed a lot. He actually followed me home once and I had to call a police friend of mine to make sure all was well (I don't think anybody should date more than one person in a company...at least if you decide to date somebody in your company). This other coworker just kept on pushing. Today, I found out something that made me sick to my stomach, angry and still embarrassed. Another coworker whom I am very good friends with came and told me pretty much about my whole relationship with the other coworker(the one I dated). Supposedly, he got drunk and spilled everything. He even went further and said that I was just a one night stand that he was using till the right person came along. Evidently, the right person came along because he's married now. While he was talking about everything that went on between us, the other coworker (the stalker) was there and my date told him he (the stalker) can date me if he wants. My date supposedly made the statement that "He will never get serious with a black person. He will date a black person but will never go further, like marrying them." I am sure I don't have to tell ya'll that I am black. I found out this was the reason why the other coworker (the stalker) was so determined to go out with me or at least sleep with me. Obviously, he's been given the green light to come and sleep with a black person. Now, everybody who knows me know that, I am way too emotional to sleep around. I was just lucky when I had a man for almost 10 good years. To say I am angry is an understatement. I still work with the coworker I dated and I don't know how to behave towards him other than wanting to squeez the living life out of him. The guy I dated doesn't know that I just found out about his verbal diarrhea. I am just so angry at myself but furious at him. Until today, I never thought anybody in the company even knew that we dated because we both are very professional about things...at least one of us was.I really want to quit my job not simply because of this but I seem to be a target of sexual harassment for most of the men in the company, including upper management. What am I to do?? Not to sound violent, but I want to beat the living crap out of this dude and quit my job.
I just need some advice. I am sure some of you know that my BF passed away about 2 years ago. It's been really hard and when I decided to start dating again, I found out that one of my coworkers like me. I know you guys are probably clingying by now but yes, I had a huge crush on him so I told him I will go out with him and that we have to take things easy because it's a new territory. Needless to say, things went pretty well and we ended up in bed together. After some time, we decided to stay coworkers instead of dating. Sadly, I like him a lot and he just moved on, got married and had a child. To say I was crush is an understatement but being the mature person I am, I kept my feelings inside and act very professional with him. To make a long story short, another co-worker suddenly got interested in me. I told him I wasn't interested but he pushed a lot. He actually followed me home once and I had to call a police friend of mine to make sure all was well (I don't think anybody should date more than one person in a company...at least if you decide to date somebody in your company). This other coworker just kept on pushing. Today, I found out something that made me sick to my stomach, angry and still embarrassed. Another coworker whom I am very good friends with came and told me pretty much about my whole relationship with the other coworker(the one I dated). Supposedly, he got drunk and spilled everything. He even went further and said that I was just a one night stand that he was using till the right person came along. Evidently, the right person came along because he's married now. While he was talking about everything that went on between us, the other coworker (the stalker) was there and my date told him he (the stalker) can date me if he wants. My date supposedly made the statement that "He will never get serious with a black person. He will date a black person but will never go further, like marrying them." I am sure I don't have to tell ya'll that I am black. I found out this was the reason why the other coworker (the stalker) was so determined to go out with me or at least sleep with me. Obviously, he's been given the green light to come and sleep with a black person. Now, everybody who knows me know that, I am way too emotional to sleep around. I was just lucky when I had a man for almost 10 good years. To say I am angry is an understatement. I still work with the coworker I dated and I don't know how to behave towards him other than wanting to squeez the living life out of him. The guy I dated doesn't know that I just found out about his verbal diarrhea. I am just so angry at myself but furious at him. Until today, I never thought anybody in the company even knew that we dated because we both are very professional about things...at least one of us was.I really want to quit my job not simply because of this but I seem to be a target of sexual harassment for most of the men in the company, including upper management. What am I to do?? Not to sound violent, but I want to beat the living crap out of this dude and quit my job.

My guess is that everyone who was listening to this jerk spill the beans knows exactly how much of a jerk he was being.
I agree with Shy on her advice but would also add that, if you are in fact being sexually harassed at work, you might want to consider filing a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Here is a link to their fact sheet about sexual harassment:
http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html
I'd completely ignore both coworkers whenever possible as well as anyone who dares to make a comment about your business with the one you slept with.
As far as any comments based on your race or gender, you need to take that seriously. I'd consider a visit with your HR department ASAP regarding these comments. They are not to be taken lightly and I wouldn't let them go on any further.
Meanwhile, looking for another job might be the best solution, ultimately.
Good luck.