I am so clueless when it comes to dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
I am so clueless when it comes to dating
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 5:58pm
A few of you were able to give me some feedback before so, I'm hoping that you can help me again.

I have been spending a lot of time with this guy that I am totally falling for but I can't tell if he's interested. All of my friends say that he must be because we are inseparable and he invites me to everything with he and his family but he hasn't made any moves yet. I'm finding it more difficult to be around him because I really am starting to really like him a lot.

My problem is that I don't know how to broach the subject with him. We have a lot in common and we get along well and I think I want to move this along to the next level if he's interested. However, I don't know if he really is interested or not. I'm not his "typical type" based on pictures of exes that I've seen.

So, my question is, how do you ask a guy if he's interested? Also, how do you know if you're "dating" or just hanging as friends or what.

Boy that relationship that I was in from 16 to 26 really kept me out of the loop and now at 29 I am completely lost with all this dating and the etiquette that goes with it.

So, if anyone has any good pointers on how to meet nice guys, how to determine if you're "dating" and how I can approach this subject with this guy that I'm "seeing", I would appreciate it.


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 1:16pm
If you're dating, he'll hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, etc. He takes you out on dates or you just hang out at home wrapped around each other. If this isn't happening, you aren't dating.

If you want to date him, and he isn't making any moves, then you're going to have to be straight with him. My honest opinion is that if he hasn't made any advances yet, then he only wants to be friends, but I know that nagging feeling of wanting to know for sure. It's not going to happen by magic. You've got to risk a little to get anything out of life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 5:09pm
I would say if you've been on more than 4-5 dates and he hasn't tried to kiss you passionately - there is an issue - what that is who knows. What I would do the next time you're out is touch his arm for emphasis when you're speaking and sit closer to him and see how he responds - talking may make him freeze. If you hug hello or goodbye hold on a little tighter and kiss him near his ear instead of chastely on the cheek.

Also I don't think you want to meet nice guys - you want to meet healthy, confident men with whom you have things in common and chemistry - a more productive goal I think.

I do have many male platonic friends and the difference is obvious - typically we pay our own way, there is no flirting beyond friendly flirting and I am not invited to family or couples-oriented events with them. When a friend wants to be more than that (which was the case with my current boyfriend) it is completely obvious when that shift occurs - nothing subtle about it! Subtlety might result from painful shyness or insecurity - traits I empathize with but would not want to deal with in a romantic relationship.