I broke up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
I broke up...
15
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:08pm
well, after beating around the bush for a while, my boyfriend and I finally had the talk about how we see our future. And basically, he doesn't see a future for us, so I guess that's that. I've spent nearly two years on this man, and I feel quiet awfully betrayed and let down. I am glad that I can move on with my life and find a good relationship, but right now I am mostly a miserable mess. And I guess I was just hoping for a few kind words, maybe a little advice. Thank you so much.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:41pm

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I know you must be hurting.

You'll be ok but of course it will take time to grieve this relationship and be able to move on.

I'm sorry if I'm not remembering the details correctly, but I seem to recall that you said you'd never really talked about the possibility of a future together, is that correct? If so then I wouldn't say he betrayed you--perhaps the lesson here is more that you should have clarified things sooner. But if he did in fact say he saw a future with you and then changed his mind but didn't tell you until you pressed the issue, then yes, I can see how you would feel betrayed.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 3:48pm
Hugs sweety, it's hard no matter what way you put it to go through a breakup. I don't understand guys staying that long either in a relationship and then deciding that they don't see a future. I'm not sure if he was honest with you to begin with or if he just told you this now, but he should have told you in the beginning and he should have kept open lines of communication. Hang in there. It's going to take time and grieving but you will heal and be able to take steps forward and open yourself up to a man that will see you in his future and is certain. For now just take care of you as much as you can. Do the little things to make you happy and rediscover who you are and what makes you happy. There are no magical words to take the pain away but there are people around you who you can reach out to to help you through the hardships and other doors that will open.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 4:32pm
I know what it feels like to go through a break-up after investing a lot of time into someone, I'm sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 5:15pm

you're right, Sheri, I should have asked for clarification much sooner! I wasn't betrayed by him, but hurt, yes. But all things work out in their time. I was upset with him for not being honest with me sooner, because I think it has been quite clear to him always that I saw a future with him. But we both needed time to really come to this conclusion, and that's how it is. He is a good person, and wants the best for me, as I do him. So I can have good memories, and hold onto the lessons I've learned. Like get clarification sooner!

It will be a roller coaster for a while, but I hope to get through this in the best possible way for me. It helps to be able to come here for encouragement and advice.
Thank you for your sympathy - it really does help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 5:19pm
Thank you so much for your kind words, biochic! You have been an inspiration to me, because I have read a lot of your posts over time, and I have seen how much work you have put into learning about yourself and life, and it seems you have reaped the benefits of that work. I'm also trying to accept life's lessons and gain as much as I can from them. They are very painful sometimes, but I am trying to hold on to hope.
Thank you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 5:21pm
Thank you for your sympathy. It really does help to know I am not alone, and that I am not stupid or lame. I know from your posts that you are the opposite of that, so thank you.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 6:30pm

I feel for ya.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 7:34pm
Aww, no problem. Thanks for the compliments. I see you also making great strides and moving ahead and working on yourself too. Life lessons are very painful and I try to remember that when the hardships come that's when I need to work extra hard at things. It does pay off in the long haul. Hang in there and also let yourself feel the pain too so you can get it out of your system and heal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 8:48pm
I am so sorry.... I know what you are going through, as I recently also ended a relationship. It's always tough, even when you know you did the right thing for you. I know nothing I can say will make this easy. Just know, the hardest part is over. And you are one step closer to finding what you are searching for.... Hugs!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 8:57pm

Whether or not you had a conversation about your future together, I can understand why you feel betrayed. Two years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone who decides that they don't see a future. I was with someone for 2 years before he decided he was not happy. That was a long time ago, so I'm well over it now.

I'm sorry to hear that happened. You'll feel pretty raw for a while, but you'll be okay, and things will become clearer in time.

A~

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