I don’t chase women

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
I don’t chase women
24
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:08am

It’s not that I am super hunk but if we end up kissing intimately by the 3rd date (usually on the 2nd) things usually become uncomplicated and progress smoothly. If I don’t hear from a woman after the 2nd date or if her communication wanes I just assume that she isn’t interested. I don’t bother making too much of an effort to contact her again either.

Any thoughts/opinions?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:45am

I think many, many women employ the same philosophy, and that's a really good way to keep yourself single.


Any conscious effort NOT to contact someone when you want to is playing games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:21am

Typically if a guy doesn't call me for a second date, I assume he's not interested. If a guy does call for a second date and that date ends up the talk about getting together next week, I'll call him to set that up. However if at the end of the second date it's just like 'I had a good time, see ya' then there's not much chemistry on someones end and I won't expect a call or third date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:50pm

I've said it before, I'll say it again. Never ASSUME anything.

I know that guys have done this to me - bailed after I: didn't call the same day (or even hour) he left a message; paid for my portion of dinner (to be nice, not because I didn't like him); didn't get all hot and heavy on the second date; didn't gush my emotions after a first or second date.

I am fairly old fashioned and believe in taking things slowly at first. If I do any of the above, it definitely does NOT mean I'm not interested. It means I'm taking it slow and waiting to see how things progress before I get too excited or too hot and heavy. As for not calling right away, I refuse to call someone after 10 p.m. -- I have a life and I'm often out late, and that's why I don't always call same day.

I'm really tired of the guys who bail because of assumptions they have made about me. If you're interested, ask her out. If she says yes to another date, she's likely into you. If you want to kiss her, kiss her. If she kisses back, you're golden.

I agree with Shy - assumptions keep us single.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:23pm

Are you just trying to stir the pot, hal?

It's the man's job in the courtship process to call early on. If he doesn't and he's interested, then he's a fool, and he's going to lose out--tant pis pour lui!

Sheri

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:24pm
I think that's better to do. Don't spend the time and effort, unless you know it isn't wasted. Be yourself! I honestly think, it's refreshing to see someone who isn't so serious about hooking-up that they'd pretend to be something they're not, or try a little harder than they know they should. I despise fakeness. I'd rather the man be himself from the start, no matter how unglamourous, than he be putting himself out there to prove that he's something special to ultimately become a lazy slug because he'd wasted all his energy at the budding phase of the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 9:45am

Hi Shy,

I'm new to these boards and thought I would jump in at this time. I think this discussion is interesting.

While I totally agree with you that when someone has high expectations and they act on those it can be draining for the other person and ultimately a turn-off.

But you say on onehand that he shouldn't assume you're not interested but on the other hand he is not a long term prospect, presumably you felt this even before the game playing. So in a way was he right to think you weren't interested?

I'm not asking this to be a nudge . . . I guess I'm asking this becasue the area of expectations has, at least in the past, caused me some greif . . . btw I am a male.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 11:14am

I'm not interested enough to want to talk to him everyday like he wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:35pm
Are you really that-not interested in her at all to even call? Maybe you are not wanting a commitment? Most guys call me often-and I do not consider it "chasing". I call it interested-very much so. You do not have to chase women-no, but-how would you feel if you were really into a girl-after a couple of dates-and she did not call you? Wouldn't you be alittle bummed out? I would think if you really liked her-you would call. You must not like the women you have dated...?? Hope I helped :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 2:56am

>I would think if you really liked her-you would call.
>You must not like the women you have dated...?? Hope I helped :)

Conversely, I would think if she really liked me she wouldn’t have stopped contacting me without explanation. I do like the women I have dated but I can’t make them like me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 6:41pm
I think you have it exactly right. Women like the idea of being pursued, but if we're interested we will call you back, make plans, etc. I think the same is true for men?

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