I don't get it....
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| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:39pm |
I'm in a particularly bad mood tonight after working 9:30-7:30 without more than a 20-minute break, having to come home and do about eight thousand things before the organization I work for's Gala tomorrow night (which I am excited about), and eating a whole pizza (ok, BAD idea...for a 95-pound chick, I can pack it in).
Anyway, this is partially a continuation of my post being frustrated with bimbo women. The guy I was dating last summer and, for reasons partially STILL unbeknownst to me, I fell pretty damn hard for is dating aformentioned ditzy woman.
Everytime I read one of their posts to one another or see one of their profiles or whatever, I get pissed off and ridiculously jealous. BUT it's so not even about him! I haven't seen him since the very end of last summer, I only talk to him once a week, tops, and I barely even remember what he looks like. I can think of a million reasons I am so much better off without him, and I finally actually believe it. And have for a while. So why the hell does this get to me this much?? I can't pinpoint exactly what it is other than jealousy that he has someone and I don't, but it's never really bothered me this much before and for the most part, I AM happy being single. I'm pretty sure I need to just cut him out for the time being, but it's definitely easier said than done. How can who I thought was a nice, genuine, sweet (and cute) guy choose someone like THAT over me? I'm not full of myself by any means, but I think I'm a pretty cool chick and basically all the guys I know tell me so (but are either attached or I'm just not interested in them). Yet, I've consistently had trouble even dating over the past year. I do tend to have feasts or famine, but I've typically alleviated them by dating a few people I met online, but I so don't want to do that anymore, and I don't want to date just to end a rut.
Part of it's just that I had hope and faith in this guy and I'm just....disappointed.
Ok, off to bed...I have no idea if any of that made sense, haha....I've just had a particularly bad day.

I can't stay friends with exes for that reason.
Have you indicated how long you dated this guy? You may have, I'm not sure. All I have to say is that you obviously saw something different. Maybe you missed some cues? He's obviously not the guy you thought he was . . . you may not have known him as well as you thought you did OR he may have simply misrepresented himself. I think this sort of thing happens a lot.
I know it happened to me after a break-up. A break-up from someone who I THOUGHT I knew inside and out; like the back of my hand. God knows I had plenty of time to get to know him. This has happened with a girlfriend of mine as well. She spent over well over a year with a guy and he left her for her polar opposite. As well as, the polar opposite of what we all thought was "his type". Not to mention, the polar opposite of his ex-wife whom he is still, to this day, is absolutely crazy about as a person. I guess some things in life, we aren't meant to make sense of . . . it happens and it bites but we must move on.
If I were you, I'd follow Shy's advice and maybe cut communication with him to a minimum. It surely couldn't hurt matters any.
Have you indicated how long you dated this guy? You may have, I'm not sure. All I have to say is that you obviously saw something different. Maybe you missed some cues? He's obviously not the guy you thought he was . . . you may not have known him as well as you thought you did OR he may have simply misrepresented himself. I think this sort of thing happens a lot.
I know it happened to me after a break-up. A break-up from someone who I THOUGHT I knew inside and out; like the back of my hand. God knows I had plenty of time to get to know him. This has happened with a girlfriend of mine as well. She spent over well over a year with a guy and he left her for her polar opposite. As well as, the polar opposite of what we all thought was "his type". Not to mention, the polar opposite of his ex-wife whom he is still, to this day, is absolutely crazy about as a person. I guess some things in life, we aren't meant to make sense of . . . it happens and it bites but we must move on.
If I were you, I'd follow Shy's advice and maybe cut communication with him to a minimum. It surely couldn't hurt matters any.
I agree with the concept of cutting ties . . so far I have never had a "friendship" form after a "relationship". I do friendly and polite well . .. but the calls telling me about there latest date . . naw . . don't want to know. (-:
You made a point of adding "cute" . . . could be this thing I have noticed about many men and woman who have that "hot" factor. They live in a world where they can snap there fingers and say next . . . and just do it because they can. They just decide to try new things. God bless'em . . but it is a bit shallow. I look at women with certain guys who I see as a "bimbo". . . (-: and wander why sometimes myself. Whatever, to each there own I say, in the end they get what they settled for. (-: For me, I need a woman around, not some ditsy air head. I assure you, I am not the only man who feels that way.
Sounds to me like you are doing well for yourself . . . and it sounds to me like a guy with a bit more "depth" will be a refreshing arrival in your life down the line. (-: Even some of the "cute" ones manage to add a little depth to the package.
I guess I figured out where my head was really at...every dream I had last night that I can remember was about the Gala....ahh, I love it when work takes over my life. It is fun when part of your work is to throw parties for people, though. :)
Anyway, thanks for the responses. I think you're all right about cutting off contact, even I know that's the right thing to do....not let's just see how well I can do it. :/ I don't think I got to know him well enough (we only dated for a summer and continued to talk and flirt and expected to see each other when he came back to MA - he was only here during the summer - up until March) to realize that I probably wasn't his type, though he told me I was. Talk is cheap, I suppose. I also think he probably would have bored me sooner or later, I agree with your depth comment, elmwood...I would definitely appreciate it. :)
A summer is a long time . .. sounds like he just is not the type that can suffer inconvenience. That alone is reason to be relived, hard times come along in life.
I have lost everything twice, and had to start over. Once to Hurricane Andrew, once to divorce. Just details to fix. (-: A little back bone goes a long way I think.
I know within moments if a second meeting will happen, or if I want to ask for a number, and within a few weeks if possibly is real . . now filling in details, my last girlfriend and I dated for a year before she asked me to move in . .. and we still got it wrong. No way to be sure other than give it a shot sometimes . .always say if your not losing a few you aren't living.
I know it it is almost an impossibility, but you may not want to check his profile out anymore either. Things like that can be depressing. It's never fun to think that others have moved on - and you weren't 'the one'. Each time you want to check out his profile (and I know this sounds cheesy) take a walk. Either you'll get annoyed walking, or enjoy the idea of the extra fitness activity in the day.
That doesn't mean you aren't the one for some other incredibly lucky guy, and now you have the chance to meet him. Maybe you'll meet him on one of those walks! I met a guy when we were both walking our dogs and we went on a couple of dates. Guy ended up being an arse, but hey having someone show interest still makes a girl feel good!
And talk is cheap. You're spot on there!
Beach
No, I know, those stupid profiles are dating torture for a new generation. Those are typically what usually end up getting me all riled up and, in turn, I end up getting angry with myself for even BEING pissed off (again, because when I think about him and/or being with him, it really doesn't affect me, I'm pretty much over him), so in general it's just NOT healthy and I know it. I've been good for the past few days because I've just been SO busy and hopefully that'll continue. I find I'm generally in a better mood if I never even turn on my computer when I get home (especially since I spend most of my workday on it!), so I've been trying to either socialize, read, or just relax with dinner and some TV.
Like you sort of said, I think it's more the attention - the attention I had and the attention I miss and is instead being shifted to her - that bothers me...that and being nostalgic for a fun summer romance that I THOUGHT could blossom into something. I go through my phases, and right now I really don't care whether or not I get into a relationship, but I miss having someone to think about, someone to get excited about, something new.
Anyway, just venting. :)
I think not turning the computer on at night is a good idea. I don't even have a computer at my house as I see one at work enough. Yah - it gets annoying on occasion, but I haven't died from not having one yet.
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That's an excellent point. Back in my day, my torture was seeing my ex bring his new GF from university to our hometown and pub. Always killed me to see her hanging out with my friends worse than my ex-BF - though that was hard too!
Remember the fun summer for what it was. Maybe you can have a good memory than the sour memories most of us carry about our exes.
And feel free to vent away. Maybe each time you are tempted to look at the profile pop a note on this site.
Beach