I dont understand myself or others???

Avatar for rainita2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I dont understand myself or others???
13
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:36am

Im single, never married, no kids and 34yrs old. I have never ever dated in my life, had a boyfriend before and I really dont know why not even dated I havent been able to do it. I mean is not that I want to get married any time soon but at least date a guy, like ordinary people do, hang out with my boyfriend, like regular people do, get to know guys and have boyfriends. I havent been able to do that since I was born (hehe!!) What it is odd is that according to guys I have met (I meant coworkers at old workplaces) or email pals I have had and have seen my photos, they question me how come I dont have a boyfriend or ever dated before if Im attractive lady.

I thought being a pretty lady was a plus for a woman and being like that will get more attention from guys, in my case that hasnt been that way.
Im a likable lady, friendly, according to my female friends Im a very special lady

How come guys dont get interested in me or at least notice me? Im going to grow old and never have the feeling of at least knowing what it feels to date a guy at least

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 12:03pm

Well rainwoman…,
You obviously don’t go to bars and dance clubs much…, because from what I’ve seen there if you’re mildly attractive guys will be all over you like the proverbial “wolves to the kill”…, even if you had a lobotomy, we would just have to prop you at the bar with a drink in your hand and you’d get lucky in the first 10 minutes..,

…, meeting men at work is becoming extremely difficult due to the complexities of the modern PC business environment. Remember, that women in the office are our peers and we are taught to not think of them sexually.., so one of the historically rich hunting grounds has now become a game preserve and us men have had to resort to on-line dating, singles events…, and unfortunately dance clubs…,

…, I swear, there are at least 3 women at work who are not only single, but attractive, funny, and smart ladies who I would love to take out and learn more about, but I wouldn’t wade into that minefield for any reason…., the few relationships that I have seen at work ended rather poorly…., not very conducive to career advancement.

Avatar for rainita2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 1:46pm

And your point is?

I dont go to bars or dance clubs often, you hit the nail there but it is not because I dont want it is because I dont have anyone to hang out with so I can go there on some weekends and those places are of course good places to meet people. Is not that I will go to a bar or dance club exclusively for that but if Im there there is more chances I meet friends, guys, etc I have green eyes, light brown hair, fair skin, I dont have a model or actress body type, but Im not overweight either, I have my flabby tummy and some love handles over here and there and that should not matter at all, but if we are speaking on just a face Im attractive and I have been told that.

If you want I can even send you a photo of mine and you judge yourself. Hehe!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 5:44pm

Well rainy...,

My point is that if a woman is mildly attractive the ball is in her court..., you can have a guy if you wish..., you just need to go out there and be seen where guys are...,

Another point is that the men around you…, at work…, are usually out of bounds since there are stigma’s attached to it these days…, really if you think about it we’re at work more than we’re at home so it would make sense for us to form romantic bonds there…, but society, business ethics itself…, and oh yeah…, let’s not forget about radical feminism…, have basically closed that door for us.

So if you wish to send me a photo I’ll be glad to tell you if a 45yo engineer would think about dating you…, but of course this won’t help you in your situation except to give you some positive feedback.

firmth@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:52am
did you ever get a picture?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 7:46pm
No, I never did. It's too bad to because I was really curious what she looked like and if that had any bearing on her situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 8:16pm
The only thing I can think of is maybe it might be some sort of vibe that you give out that makes you unapproachable. I think even some unattractive women can get dates if they want to as long as they take care of themselves, exude confidence and give out approachable vibes. Maybe men are intimidated by you???? I don't know you or your personality but maybe you might want to figure out if you might be sending out vibes that might push people away or if you send out a vibe of desperation. I'm not saying that you are this way by any means because I don't know you at all, I'm just throwing things out there for you to think about that could be possibilities because if you are an attractive female then of course you would think you would be able to get dates.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 10:09pm

My first question to someone who isn't getting dates despite being out and seen and reasonably attractive is: Why do you think you have been single your whole life?


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 10:12pm

This is absolutely not a universal truth:


You obviously don’t go to bars and dance clubs much…, because from what I’ve seen there if you’re mildly attractive guys will be all over you like the proverbial “wolves to the kill”…, even if you had a lobotomy, we would just have to prop you at the bar with a drink in your hand and you’d get lucky in the first 10 minutes..,


I'm not sure what kind of bars you're going to, but this is absolutely not the experience that I have had nor of most of the women I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 10:39pm

People of all shapes and sizes date and hook up. I think it really depends on the vibe you're putting out, as someone else suggested. Are you approachable? Do you have unrealistic standards? I'd gone through quite a dry spell recently and I think it's because I had a poor attitude about dating. On the one hand I wanted to be taken out and to find someone special, but I was unwilling to put myself out there and be open and trusting with others.

In the last few months I've dated quite a bit. Some of it took place through online dating, and I'm currently seeing someone I was set up with by a friend (have you tried dating online? It's not for everyone, but you might consider) But really, I think my change in attitude had everything to do with it. I was more willing to take risks, I told friends I that I was on the market and looking to date, and tried to take a more active interest in new people (not just as potential dates). I was lucky enough to have had a good friend who knows me well and she did a great job in fixing me up with a great guy.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:43am

Hi shywon,
I find it hard to believe that it's not a universavel truth considering I've seen this type of action in bars located in Seattle, Mexico, Florida, and Alaska to name a few places I've been.

Now I will admit these were not upscale bars but dance clubs for the most part and the crowd was usually late 20's to early thirties it seemed..., (not that I'm at these clubs chasing women of that age, it's just in my line of business my peers are usually in that age group.)

But still I couldn't imagine a semi-attractive woman being at a bar and not being hit on by anyone..., especially over the span of time you referred to. Could it be that when you are at a bar you don't look approachable? Could it be you always go with a few girlfriends and never break away from them to be alone and free to be macked up? You know guys call a group of women in a bar "the circle of death" because it is sooo very hard to break into one of those groups to talk to a woman who you find attractive..., imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.

Also if you frequent upscale clubs the men are usually married or already spoken for and therefore wouldn't come up to you. How about sports bars? When I've been at those I see a massive amount of single men to the numbers of single women..., do you ever go to one of those types of bars to mingle with ordinary guys.., I would find it difficult to imagine you not being hit on as long as you had 2 breasts and an azz.

Just a few months ago I was in San Francisco and hit a sports bar for an NFL game..., I would guess there were about 10 women and 50 guys..., and very few of those guys were homosexual according to my flawless gaydar...., not one woman was alone..., and of the ones that ended up alone it wasn't for very long..., I even hit on one tall brunette who unfortunately told me her boyfriend had just gone to the can.

So...., my question to you shywon is..., could there be anything you are doing that makes you unapproachable to single men..., this includes body language, location, peer group, dress, etc?

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