i feel like a failure

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
i feel like a failure
4
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 3:35am
i cant have kids
and for some reason feel like a failure
other girls talk about getting married and having children
but where does that leave me and other gals who cant have kids
are we failures or something
its not our faults we cant have kids
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 9:40am
Although I am not in your situation, I can imagine how you feel! You shouldn't let this define you. Yes its a set back and yes extremely disappointing, however, know there are MANY options out there for you. There are many, MANY children (all ages) out there who have no HOMES, NO PARENTS, NO HOPEand no LOVE in their life and basically are destine for failure. You can always adopt and give one of these children a life, and the love they thought would never happen to them! Yes I realize this isn't the same as having your very own flesh-n-blood, but imagine the change you could make!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 12:52pm

I agree.. don't let this define you. So many women get caught up in oh I have to do this by this time and that by this other time.. Having kids isn't all that it is cracked up to be. I have a son, however I will never have any more children of my own. I may adopt in the future.

I happen to be allergic to my own hormones and found out the hard way. When I got pregnate I got very sick and delivered my son at 5 1/2 months. He weighed all of 1 pound 12 ounces. Talk about feeling like a failure. I couldn't even stay pregnate!

I did not let that define me. Sometimes the fairytail of living happily every after doesn't go exactly as the book describes. But it doesn't mean that there aren't alternatives. So its not roses.. but maybe tulips or dasies. Either way its still a flower..

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 5:24pm

Hello there,

I'm 34, never had children, and started going through premature ovarian failure in my twenties. When my cycle started coming around less and less, I went to a specialist to see if there was any way I could freeze some eggs. She looked at me and said, "You don't have any eggs to freeze, hon". I have always adored children so this came as quite a blow. I suppressed the pain for several years, but it has lately become apparent that I was more devastated by it than I had originally thought. I never even had a cry over it. The important thing is that you are dealing with it now. Even if you are still in the angry stage, I think that's a good sign. I liken it to a grieving process.

My sister and brother-in-law ended up having a little fair skinned, blue eyed, red-head like myself so that helped ease some of the pain ; )

I am and always have been a huge supporter of adoption. There are SO MANY children of various ages and backgrounds who need love. I've even considered foster care. That would work better for me personally because the government actually helps foster parents out financially. I don't know that I could afford to adopt right now. Maybe later down the road I could manage it.

Don't let anyone belittle you for being infertile. If these people are friends of yours, you may want to evaluate their motives. I have never had anyone taunt me about not being able to conceive and I can't imagine that anyone would do such a hurtful thing to another person.

I like what another poster had to say, it may not be a rose but it's still a flower. That is so true. It's still a child that will grow up to love and respect you. While the blood flowing within them may not be of you, the heart and mind can be : )

If you ever need to "talk" about this, don't hesitate to email me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 11:23pm
i am in no position to adopt
i am not married
will never be a single parent
i cant even provide for myself
my parents are helping me out
as for now
adoption is not an option