i feel like i'm not dating material

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
i feel like i'm not dating material
3
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 6:30am

So after months of no dates or anything a coworker I started talking to finds out that I'm single and so she insists on setting me up with her cousin, believing that this guy and I will hit it off. He gave her my number, we talked on the phone, emailed and seemed to have chemistry that way. It felt really promising. Then we met in person for drinks and continued our great chats. The evening ended with him saying we should try a certain restaurant we both heard good things about. The next day he emailed me to say hello and remind me that he wanted to try that restaurant. That was four days ago. I've heard nothing since. I don't know what to think or how long to give him before assuming he said that he wanted to get together just to be polite and bow out of this without totally ignoring me and being rude or whatever because I am his cousin's coworker. It was only one blind date so I'm trying to remind myself that of course he has no obligation to me and we haven't entered the stage when you start talking every day, but the funny thing is, before we met in person he was emailing me every day. I've always had the impression that if a guy meets you and likes you he will keep pursuing and start calling you more making sure you don't forget him.

I don't understand what happened and I know I shouldn't let this stuff get to me because it was only one date but I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm just not datable to most men because this isn't the first time this has happened. Even every time I've had a boyfriend, it's always been you're nice but I don't want long-term with you, I don't want to get married, I'm still into my ex... I'm always the maybe but no thanks girl and it's starting to take a toll on me.

It isn't even like this guy has model good looks or something. I just feel like it's a sign of things to come when even the guys who are still single after 35-- and not even amazingly hot-- are turning you down and you're even younger than they are. Maybe I say things that put them off. I don't know. Maybe I'm not as pretty as I think, although I've always been told by other men I've dated or just met at bars or even married ones who shouldn't be saying it that I'm very pretty.

the only reason that this really bothers me is because it seemed like the one good chance I'm going to have to date someone for a while because it's so infrequent and I really liked him and wanted to give it a really good chance and go out on a few dates at least. my coworker went on vacation for the next two weeks so it's not even like I can get any real feedback from her about the state of this either.

should i give him a full week before assuming it's a lost cause? I know he works two jobs and is away for part of this week on a trip but as Greg Behrendt says in the book He's Just Not That Into You, saying you're too busy to call is BS and just a sign a guy doesn't really want to pursue you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:34am
I think that if he emailed you the next day to say hello and remind you that he wanted to try that restaurant it is showing interest. Maybe he's waiting for you to email or call back and then you can plan from there?
I'm a big fan of He's Just Not that into You, but its not gospel truth on how all relationships form. Its entirely possible that he really likes you and its scares him. I think a friendly email from you might be in order. Perhaps you can check out the restaurant's menu online and then mention which dishes you'd like to try.
I know that dating can be a mine field of insecurity, but don't throw in the towel just yet.
Good Luck!

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:12am

That's just the thing, I already emailed him back and told him to feel free to call me, which I think is a big blatant signal to him that I'd like to give it a go.

I really hope it's not going to fall through, but what can you do. Seems like every time I meet a "normal" nice single guy who isn't an a**, it doesn't work out for me. But I have no problem attracting losers and married men. It's becoming a joke already.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:08am

Okay, I have some pretty weird thinking sometimes, so try to follow me!