I give up!

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I give up!
17
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 9:29am
After all of the agonizing over whether to respond to the guy who asked for the full body picture, I did, he wrote back with his own pic and then today wrote that he's getting serious with someone else and has to "bow out of this". I'm not sure I believe him. The other guy I was corresponding with who seemed like a really good guy has also disappeared on me...after 2 weeks of messages, he just stopped writing. No one else on either of the sites I'm using is either interesting to me or has responded to my mail. I'm about to give up on online dating and should probably accept that I'm going to be alone for a long time again. My last relationship was 6 months long and ended in February, but that was the first I'd had in about 3 years. I'm so afraid that'll happen again since I haven't found any other ways to meet new men around here. I think this is my day to be depressed!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 10:23am
Hey! Don't give up.

And don't take these guys disappearing as rejection - they don't know you! Its just your specs...LOL. If only ONE guy responds next month that may be all you need to find your guy. But I do think that you could find other avenues for meeting men. Remember they are 50% of the population! They are in line with you, on the sidewalks, at stoplights, on elevators, at your coed sporting events, etc. When your friends are going somewhere you think men will be around, invite yourself along! Last night, our local priest celebrity was going on and on to me about his son and I said, is he single? I am not Christian...and I was only teasing with a playful wink...but everyone in the room got the message I was looking. And the bartender ask me to go for a drink with him after the rehearsal. I said no...but...my point is that you have to "put yourself out there". Not in a pushy way - just be friendly, approachable and try to enjoy yourself!

I have been single for 6 yrs now and it doesn't bother me at all! Sometimes I feel like I'll be single forever...but...then I think, will that be the end of the world? NO! I have a pretty full life and I am happy :) Statistically VERY few ppl really end up all alone with no r/ships at all. So its just emotional turmoil.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 11:27am
Don't give up - just don't email more than once or twice without moving on to the phone call where you make plans to meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 11:51am
I agree with you. It's best to talk over the phone or meet right away. I am having a similar dilemma as her, only all the guys I send pics too like it-then they bow out?! I don't get, a couple of days ago one of the guys asked me for coffee, I said yes we were e-mailing back and forth. He asked me to name a place/time. I told him and asked if this worked-haven't heard back since! I've even put on my profile "please no online pen pals" so that they see what I want. they like my pic, we get along, we're almost there and then it never happens. Oh well, I'm just writing to x many people and then expecting half of x to get back to me or work out, it's a numbers game, unfortunately because I don't like to think of human beings in that way.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:19pm
I agree with the others, don't give up. I have found that out of 20 initial email contacts, I might meet 3 or 4, and of those, there might be a mutual interest in going out again with one of them. Dating is a numbers game, and even MORE so online. You have to have a thick skin, however, and not take things personally or get at all emotionally invested in someone before you even meet. If you're not able to do that, then maybe online isn't for you.

What I have done and suggest you do is to *supplement* online dating with other methods of meeting people. For instance, here in Seattle, we have an outdoor club with a singles component, as well as a "pubmixer" group that puts on monthly mixers, dinners and other events for singles. Now that I'm single again, I will get involved with these groups again, as well as do the online thing. Volunteering is another great way to get out and meet people. Even if you don't meet guys, you might meet someone who knows the perfect person to fix you up with!

Sheri

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:36pm
Thanks for all the advice. I think the online thing is out for me. I've checked all the sites, and it's the same people on all of them, very few of whom even interest me. Others seem interesting at first, but after an e-mail or two from them, I realize they're not at all what I'm looking for. I've been looking for some singles events around here, and since I'm in the DC area, you'd think I'd find some, but I'm not having much luck. I think I'm just in the kind of mood today where I won't think anything will be worth the effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:51pm
I don't do the "please no online pen pals" in my ad - I try to minimize the "no" part - other than "no drugs" "no smoking" I emphasize what I am looking for as opposed to what I am not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:58pm
I'm in the DC area too, and agree there isn't much out there along the lines of singles groups. I haven't done much research on it, but have a couple of friends who have tried many different routes without much luck. And most of the guys they have met in the area seem to be too pretentious or self-absorbed. But I guess that could be true anywhere...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 1:12pm
I do it in a nice way and explain my rationale in it. I'm much more of an "in-person" type of gal and like to meet men outside my circle, usual places. the guys usually agree w/ me. I'll try to take it out, see what happens. Honestly, you should see the lines of some of the ads of guys in the DC area.

Eg: "if you not a hottie, don't even bother", yes very attractive.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 1:12pm
I had thought about trying to take a class at the USDA, but didn't find anything of interest there either. I met most of my friends through the Portuguese classes I took there a few years ago, so it's a great way to meet people if you have the interest and the money. I just don't know what else I'd like to take. I'm hoping Montgomery County might offer some cheaper classes that might also draw in some interesting people. I can't come up with any other new ways to meet people.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: schnappsers
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 1:37pm
Sounds like you understand why I've found so few men of interest on the dating web sites. I've seen a lot of lines like that too. Most of the rest might as well say "I'm desperate and will stalk you."

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