I give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
I give up.
16
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:56pm

I just do.


I give up on explaining to people that I find older men more attractive only to have them berate me and tell me a "real" woman "only" dates younger men. Why? I have nothing in common with younger men. I don't even have anything in common with guys in my own age group. I only have things in common with older men.


I give up on telling people that I prefer to be chased then do the chasing. Only to hear that I'm "betraying womenkind/women's lib."


But mostly I give up on true/romantic love. I no longer believe it exists. I've heard too often that I'm "a nice person but too fat to be seen with in public." That I'm not worthy of being loved cause I don't fit some socially acceptable ideal of physical beauty or how a "real woman" should act.


So, I give up. I'm not even going to try anymore.

~Jami JoAnne Russell~

www.jamisings.com


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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jamisings
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 4:03pm

Why do you feel you have to "explain" anything to anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
In reply to: jamisings
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 6:38pm

I constantly have to defend myself though. Because they harp and harp on it. One woman insists I should "just have babies" with this 29 year old boy. I don't want to have children, especially with someone I don't love. She says if I don't "get with it" I'll end up being a nurse to some 70 year old man.


But it's not going to happen cause I no longer believe in true love. I no longer believe anyone would want a fat, ugly, worthless sack of crap like me.


Even eHarmony rejected me - three times. If you look, the majority of their so-called personality test is questions about how physically fit/active you are. They rejected me cause I'm fat. Proving once and for all that only skinny girls get men.

~Jami JoAnne Russell~

www.jamisings.com


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jamisings
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 6:53pm

Why do you even continue to talk to that person about dating then?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: jamisings
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:11pm

I completely agree with Sheri.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
In reply to: jamisings
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 11:15pm

Jami,


No explanation needed here on the attraction to older men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
In reply to: jamisings
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 1:14am

~Jami JoAnne Russell~

www.jamisings.com


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: jamisings
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 8:50am

Jami, honey, quit beating yourself up over this.

5yrssm 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jamisings
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 11:49am

And is there any reason you can't just say to her, I'm sorry, my dating life is private.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: jamisings
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:16pm
>> And men don't want me anyway. I'm not even going to try anymore. <<

I have to echo Shy's comment about confidence here. I definitely know people in all age ranges, size ranges, height ranges, etc. who have attracted the opposite sex and who have found happy relationships. Yes, some shallow people will never look beyond the surface - but those aren't the ones you want anyway.

Love yourself first, and you will attract love.

A good first step is positive self-talk. Ban yourself from saying "I'm fat" -- say "There's more of me to love." Instead of "Men don't want me," say "I want me. I rock, I have so much to offer, who wouldn't want me?"

I'm serious. Say it out loud 20 times. Say it every day. Eventually, you will begin to believe those words yourself and start to project a more confident, look-at-me-I'm-awesome attitude. THAT will draw people in, regardless of your physical appearance.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: jamisings
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:56pm

Hello,


First of all, let me

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