I hate being single

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
I hate being single
5
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:23pm

I love going places and doing things but I don't like going by myself so I found someone (rather, he found me) who likes to go places and do things like I do. But he is in love with me and i am not in love with him. Should I stop seeing him? My friend(?) thinks I am leading him on and even tho I told him I am not in love with him, she says he is hoping it happens. He still wants to hang out with me. She made me feel like I shouldn't see him anymore. I would really miss him and I would really be lonely. I know that he would miss me too. I have no friends or family to do things with. My friends are all in relationships and my family all live in different states. I have a lot in common with him and we laugh a lot together. I show him affection but I just can't seem to bring myself to say "I love you" to him. Maybe some day I will fall in love with him but right now I can't promise anyone that.

Am I a terrible person??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:05pm

1) Is he a big boy? I know, funny question, but he is risking getting hurt, and the more time, the more it hurts. Is he strong, and clear headed enough to make that kind of choice, with your honesty, and his eyes open to the risk?
2) Why don’t you love him? Might���s and maybes, or denial (you know deep down it is never going to happen)? If so it is selfish to use him, flip the coin . . is that the place you would want to occupy in a mans heart? A convenience?

Look, if his eyes are wide open, it is his choice to stay. But don’t even offer a maybe if you don’t believe it. Tell him you see him only as a friend, no carrots on a stick, if you will. Does that make sense? Then if he stays . . the question then becomes do you allow it knowing the outcome? (-: Plant your feet hard enough and he might even except his role as a friend . . you’ll know the day you meet another guy.

If its me . . I probably protect some one I like . . . if I know she would never accept a friendship, and I will never go the distance with her . . I save her the pain and let it go now. I don’t like to hurt people who are undeserving of it. You are the one who looks in his eyes . . you have to decide. (-:

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 11:07am

Have you made it really clear to him that you don't feel that way about him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:11pm
You're not a terrible person, but I do think a break from him for awhile might be a good idea. If he is in love with you, he's likely hoping you'll eventually "see the light" and fall for him as well, no matter how many times you've told him you're not in love with him. You would be doing him a favor to take some time off, and maybe you can hang out again after a couple of months.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:23pm
Yes, like you said, I have romantic feelings toward him but for some reason I can't tell him that I love him. My daughter said that maybe I'm afraid to show my "weaknesses". I'm not sure what my "problem" is. Why can't things go smoothly for me? Why do I have to run into these dilemnas. :0(
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:29pm

So is he your boyfriend?