I HAVE to make a move..... help!!!!
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| Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:25pm |
Hey - i tried this in another messageboard but I don't think there is too much traffic there so i thought i'd give this one a try ...
Well I've been doing the deed now for a good 10 years and I find myself at a road block. To make a very long story short- a few weeks ago I found out that a crush of mine said to a mutual friend that he wants me. Well this was music to my ears because I've wanted him for a while now and it was great to find out the feeling was mutual. Simple right? Not for me!
He is shy ... or cocky - haven't figured that one out yet... and he won't make the first move. I guess pretty much most of his exes or anyone he's had "casual" relations with have pretty much made the first move. So he's been spoiled in that sense... With me- i've only made the first move once in my life and it was years ago... it worked out to my advantage but it wasn't easy for me to do as I am not the most confident person in the world ... even though i know there would be no rejection.
Typical daily scenario: He currently lives with a couple of mutual friends. People are always at the house. We've had times where its been just the two of us hanging out- but i believe nerves took over so nothing happened. The going consensus is that if anything is going to happen- its going to have to be me to make the first move. Well i'm sorry but i just can't see myself turning around in mid conversation... or no conversation at all... and laying a kiss on him. Just not my style and i'm very much a chicken in a situation like that.
So what does one do in a situation like mine?? All in all this is purely about sex and nothing else.... so you'd think it would be very cut and dry- but it isn't. We're both shy - or pig headed - so if no one makes a move then nothing is going to happen!! And that would certainly be a loss if there was any. I could try making the first move but I don't know how or what to do. I just WISH that we could accidentally "bump" heads one nite and some fantastic "movielike" scene happens..... ok back to reality!
I really need help on this one. I'm talkative and outgoing and i have confidence in my own sense of style and how i look ... but mentally- its just not there. Right now people are telling me I should play that juvenile ignoring game because guys love a chase.... well i don't want to be chased! I want to be caught
:( Help!!!

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HAHA Well it's pretty much getting to the point of getting laid that seems to be the hard part for me in this instance. And as for the attractive thing ... well to each their own on that one. But I've never thought about it that way ... guys have just usually been the first ones to make the moves on me.
Its almost as if him and i are playing this pathetic game with each other. He'll make his cracks like - Everyone has a seat? Oh well i'll find you a place.. and then taps his lap. And then of course gets up to give me his seat .... but you get the sexual innuendo. And of course i just ignore it... because i'm a knob when it comes to this type of stuff.
Honestly -if i don't make a move or twist things around causing him to make the move...nothing will ever happen between us. Somethings got to give eventually .. but i'd love to push things along.
Even really shy guys make a move. If they really dig you, they'll work up the nerve.
Just ask him for a drink or something after work and see where the night takes you. If he's interested, you'll know.
Right now, you're only going on hearsay on his feelings for you. So you either ask or you let it go.
Good luck :)
Rubyshoes
One word:
Alcohol.
Don't get drunk, just drink enough so you lose some inhibitions and can make that first move.
Of course, the truth is that if he really wants you, he'll do it himself.
Even shy guys do work up the nerve if they really want something bad enough.
I see nothing wrong with asking the guy out for lunch or something. Nothing wrong, at all.
That should help him along. If he's really interested, you'll know because he'll take the bait.
So we're still at a standstill but I'm going over there 2nite and if no one else is home yet then i'm talking to him. I'm having a go getter kind of day and i'm sick of this BS. I'm smart, attractive and very easy to get along with... i just need to grow some balls apparenlty... which might now happen this century - and i'd really like to find out if it would be a loss or not!
Seriously.
I'm just having a real hard time wrapping it around my head that he's interested in you. Usually if men are interested and know a girl is willing to have sex, they don't have a problem pursuing it and closing the deal. I'm all for females occasionally asking men for dates and that men don't always have to have the pressure set on them.
Are you sure you aren't looking or pushing for something that isnt there and are just excusing his disinterest as not having a pair of balls or being shy??
Rubyshoes
I agree with you but I have to add that maybe this guy is interested and does like her, he MAY not be ready to date her.
I think that's a difference.
I have found myself in total interest with someone. Very attracted to them but as far as seeing myself dating that person was a different story.
So maybe this is where this particular guy is at the moment. He could very well be attracted to the o.p and somewhat interested, but not enough to put himself out there and make her his? In other words, not shy just luke warm interest.
I've found myself on both ends, unfortunately.
But I do agree with you, a guy who wants a girl will usually put himself out there and go after her.
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