I HAVE to make a move..... help!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
I HAVE to make a move..... help!!!!
13
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:25pm

Hey - i tried this in another messageboard but I don't think there is too much traffic there so i thought i'd give this one a try ...

Well I've been doing the deed now for a good 10 years and I find myself at a road block. To make a very long story short- a few weeks ago I found out that a crush of mine said to a mutual friend that he wants me. Well this was music to my ears because I've wanted him for a while now and it was great to find out the feeling was mutual. Simple right? Not for me!

He is shy ... or cocky - haven't figured that one out yet... and he won't make the first move. I guess pretty much most of his exes or anyone he's had "casual" relations with have pretty much made the first move. So he's been spoiled in that sense... With me- i've only made the first move once in my life and it was years ago... it worked out to my advantage but it wasn't easy for me to do as I am not the most confident person in the world ... even though i know there would be no rejection.

Typical daily scenario: He currently lives with a couple of mutual friends. People are always at the house. We've had times where its been just the two of us hanging out- but i believe nerves took over so nothing happened. The going consensus is that if anything is going to happen- its going to have to be me to make the first move. Well i'm sorry but i just can't see myself turning around in mid conversation... or no conversation at all... and laying a kiss on him. Just not my style and i'm very much a chicken in a situation like that.

So what does one do in a situation like mine?? All in all this is purely about sex and nothing else.... so you'd think it would be very cut and dry- but it isn't. We're both shy - or pig headed - so if no one makes a move then nothing is going to happen!! And that would certainly be a loss if there was any. I could try making the first move but I don't know how or what to do. I just WISH that we could accidentally "bump" heads one nite and some fantastic "movielike" scene happens..... ok back to reality!

I really need help on this one. I'm talkative and outgoing and i have confidence in my own sense of style and how i look ... but mentally- its just not there. Right now people are telling me I should play that juvenile ignoring game because guys love a chase.... well i don't want to be chased! I want to be caught

:( Help!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 10:31am

Hey .... i'm certainly not going to argue with any of you on this one. It was so cut and dry then I wouldn't even be on here asking about this. Plain and simply- he doesn't want to date, he doesn't want a relationship ... he has more of a physical interest in me and the feeling is 100% mutual. I am attracted to him in many ways... but do i see myself dating him? Probably not. Heck i think that if this was about dating, i'd be having a much easier time.

Like I said before... he's either being shy or cocky. Its hard to determine which one. But there is a definite interest on both ends... we flirt enough with eachother and there could be 10 people in the room and we'll still end up in conversation at some point just him and i and practically tune everyone else out. We make our flirtatious cracks at eachother .... like last night. His pants were kind of baggier then usual and i was leaving, i looked at him (i'm not usually the one to make the funny comments though- he is and i usually barely acknowledge them... thats where my shyness kicks in) and said.. whoa- it looks like you could fit another person in your pants. He looks down and then says.... never tried- wanna give it a go?? Pure jokes... so my reply was- Hmm...maybe later. lol

This type of stuff goes on all the time between us. There is a whole lotta sexual tension- but i think that it is going to have to be me who makes the move if i want anything to happen this century.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 8:46am

He's not shy- after that comment, I'm pretty sure about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 12:18pm

Well after this weekend, I realize that it is simply not about the shyness. From what i get - i think he feels that if HE makes the move, I'll think that he wants more out of this. I don't, and he's been told that, but it's not going to make a difference.

All of you would have slapped me silly if you saw the way things were this weekend. I lost MANY chances of making moves. Friday nite, him and i ended up staying up until the wee hours of the morning. What did we do? Well we watched two movies in his room and basically struggled to stay up. We were sitting right beside eachother and flirting away. He totally left himself open to any advances i could have made... but i didn't do a thing! I absolutely froze and i KNEW he was doing this. I feel like such a moron.... no i think that we're both being stubborn idiots at this point. We want eachother but neither of us are willing... no i'm willing... i just don't know how to make the move. Maybe its that i don't feel... "seductive" enough or something. I need some MAJOR help!

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