I like him? What should i do?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:30pm |
Ok well, i was over my girlfriends Friday. I was helping her get her daughters bday party together for saturday. Her neighbor, "sue"(security name) was also helping. Great, I ended up staying there most of the day n eve just chilling and socializing with my gf and her neighbors family. I met sue's brother, because he has just moved back to PA from elsewhere. I have not had a boyfriend in a year. I promised myself no men and no sex for 1 year. I have talked to several men and have accepted the occasional dinner out with them(totally so far 3 times with one man i have no interest in whatsoever, but he and i are acquaintences since we freguent the library). I have red flags up on these other men, they seem too possessive and want me for an instant gf.
OK...well, this brother of the neighbor sue...a year older than i and we have plenty in common. and a lot of differences.
I like him. NO i do not want to jump his bones already. I have seen him twice and have had the opportunity to have alone time conversations with him. He never once touched me. He never touted the statement "you can trust me", he never engaged any sexual inuendo's,
we have great eye contact constantly, He has walked me to my car and has closed the door for me(really cool), and he claims to be a very patient person, a person who is the only boy in the family of all girls as siblings. His father taught him to never hit or disrespect his sisters(his sister backed him up on this and even said hes a regular chivelrous romantic).
I discussed with him my 1 yr sebatical from sex and men and told him the reasons behind the why. HE in turn tells me he can respect that. He said he thinks i am a great person to be around and that sex is not the basis to any relationship, but communication and good rapore is.
IS HE FOR REAL? OMG, i just want to kiss him. Would that be wrong to just give him a kiss? or to hold/cuddle with him?
I have only known him for 3 days and have seen, felt and heard nothing but genuineness and honesty from him. Not to mention his sister speaks very highly of him. My heart is thumping for joy again. A feeling i haven't felt in a long time. It feels good. I do not feel threatened or uneasy around him at all and the children(his neices and nephews, and my gf's dog just adore him/like him)....my gf has a yorkie and since i have been friends with her for over 5 years i know how the yorkie reacts to people it feels threatened by and does not like..the ol' pup runs up to this dude and wants to play.
OH...also...i have 9 weeks remaining to my 1 yr alone time. Would i be breaking my boundaries by allowing him to kiss me(even on the cheek) and hold my hand?
Thanks for your opinions,
Imnothere

A kiss isn't sex.
sorry, but you have to figure out why the 1 year abstinence is such a big deal to you. I don't know, but no one says you have to have sex with a guy in 9 weeks. You could date, get to know him, get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and then decide whether you want to have sex with him. All of that could easily take up to 9 weeks or more, depending on the level of interest and your reasons for abstinence. It's nice to take it slow once in awhile. Since you have only talked to him for 3 days, do you even know if he is truly single and available? That's an important thing to think about before thinking about dating and sex. And, I agree with the other responses, about kissing not being sex, and that you should have a date first before you think about kissing him.
Good luck
<>
I would have to agree with Ethniccook on this one. Yes, any guy should respect a woman who chooses to wait but to tell a potential love interest flat out not to expect any until your 'year' is up, may send confusing messages to him and (in this case) yourself.
So what if you do decide to go ahead and have sex before the 9 weeks are over? would you hate yourself for not waiting? What I'm getting at, in essence, is that a decision needs to be made on your part: either (a) decide to revise your maxim to reflect the control you have when it comes to living your life (e.g: I will not sleep with a guy until I feel like I have really gotten to know him (and/or am in love) and am personally ready to do so) or (b)remain faithful to your 1 year rule but date the guy, and if he asks about your maxim, be prepared to defend it. (not necessarily in full detail, but in a determined manner)
In either case, take the chance to get to know him. and only let him go as far as you want him to. but as with regards to sex, the decision is (and will always remain) yours.
- Spanish Lace
Thank you. YES, i am goin to stick to my 1 yr. rule. I can let you in on it ...the main reason is i left a bad relationship becuase my X-beaus brother kidnapped, beat me up and raped me. I needed this 1 yr. to reconnect with myself as a respectful person. Being assaulted like i had been made me loose alot of who i was. Now, this new fella, is a gem. After our conversation where he had told me that he values honest communication and a strong relationship based on being able to get along and even have constructive arguments with out the yelling and screaming matches, Plus he had also mentioned that sex is not important in a relationship...he said communication, understanding, respect, and pleasing a woman is most important.......I decided to let him in on the why of my 1 yr.(the next day) He listened and he completely understood. He understands about how certain aspects of the relationship will need to be processed by me slowly because if the hell i went through by being totally physically and sexually violated that one night. He told me that i need not feel ashamed or embarrassed when i have to tell him to stop doing something...even handholding. He thinks i am a wonderful person and a beautiful lady(his words)and will completely understand and respect my boundaries and healing processes. He actually told me I could take all the time i need.
He reminds me alot of my brother in law. He is that kind, considerate, patient and my sister and brother in law have been together 19 yrs and they are still happy.
oh in case ya'll are wondering why i have seen him 3 or 4 days in a row...i stayed overnight at my Girlfriends house for the 4th of july weekend for al the fireworks and partying(to save on gas back n forth..i live 10 minutes away). This nice guy is my gf's neighbors brother.
well, he certainly sounds like a nice guy and any guy who is willing to wait until their gf is ready for intimacy gets top marks in my books. (a close guy friend of mine waited 2 years for his gf, she too had some past baggage to sort).
And, particularly after the hell you went through, you deserve more than many people to have a kind, loving, boyfriend in your life(even if he doesn't turn out to be your gf's neighbour). At the same time, keep working on yourself just the same. Remember that you, just like any other woman, deserves to be respected for who and what she is, and any man who doesn't is not worthy of your time.
good luck, hun. let us know how it goes.
- Jen