I hurt!
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| Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:36am |
Seven months ago, my bf of 3 years told me he wanted a “break”. Unfortunately, he & I owned a house together so the “break” issue was a huge thing to figure out. But I made it easy on him & left & have purchased my own home in the mean time. The two of us got along great, we really did work well together he just has a social side to him that he doesn’t want to give up yet. I didn’t give any pressure for him to give it up but when you don’t come home for 4 days because you’re want to live like a rock star, it makes it really hard to have a happy committed relationship.
The problem is, we still talk & he keeps telling me that he loves me & he knows I’m the women for him but….not right now! He doesn’t want to be with anyone except for me….just not right now! I’m trying so hard to get myself together but I keep falling back into the pit of my broken heart. I know he doesn’t want to lose me & I have no doubt in my mind that I could spend the rest of my life with him but I don’t want to put my life on hold until he decides that having someone to come home to at night is better then partying until he passes out at his friends house….if he ever comes to that point.
I know we all have to find ourselves & I would rather him do it now then when we’re married & have children but in the mean time I hurt so bad & I want it to stop! I feel like I’m doomed with the despair of a broken heart until he decides he’s “ready for me”. But, what if he decides he doesn’t want me…I don’t want to put my life on hold until that day…but I don’t have the desire to date anyone yet…so what do I do in the mean time? I know there’s a reason for everything & eventually the answers will come to me….I just wish the pain would minimize somewhat until those answers come

I have a friend in a similar situation.
Are you at that point in your life where you are ready for that too? If so, then to take care of yourself first and foremost the best thing to do is to walk away even if it's tough. I like Stacey's mention of no contact. This is the best/quickest way to get over someone fully and come to terms with our feelings.
Even if you don't see it now, walking away from this person will put you in a better position in the future because you will give yourself that opportunity of meeting someone who is ready and available for the things that you want.
I totally understand your situation. I had to break up with my ex over a year ago because he didn't know what he wanted next-- not sure about marriage, if or when. I got the feeling that although he was 30 he was still in some sort of adolescent stage-- still wanting to go out and "party," not wanting to purchase a home yet, avoiding real responsibility, etc. I think more and more men in our generation are this way.
It's hard to get over them when they didn't do something awful like cheat on you or abuse you. They just don't want what you want and you can't force someone to change. I still talk to my ex and I know he loves me and would do anything for me -- except get married of course!-- but for some reason he can't take the next step.
The best way to get over them is avoid them. I know it's easier said than done. I tried dating other guys but nothing worked out. I believe that finding someone who wants exactly what you want and doesn't have to take 4, 5, 10 years to figure out you're the one is the best cure for this but that's not always so easy. I try to tell myself that it's insulting that my ex needs more than 3 years to decide whether he wants to marry me. In reality, it is. It's like you're in some sort of long-term judgment phase and they need more and more time to figure you out, and that's unfair. They have to realize that in life there's really no good time for anything.