I love being alone..that's the problem
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| Mon, 03-05-2007 - 3:20pm |
I live alone, and I love it. I love coming home at night and not having to worry about what's for supper. I love not having to be waked up several times a night to roll a snorer over after he wakes me up, and being perpetually sleep deprived. I love being able to stay on the computer all night, or watch what I want to watch on t.v. without an argument. I love not having to have sex...seriously! I mean, sex is great, but I just don't need it that much, so having to have it to please a man is not my cup of tea. I even find myself breaking dates because I'd rather just be here reading or doing whatever.
O.K., so I contradicted myself on another board saying I couldn't get over my ex, and that's true, but the thing is, I don't think I would ever want to LIVE with him. I'm not sure I would ever want to live with anyone. I've only lived with one man since my divorce (many years ago), and that was a big mistake. The live in relationship lasted 4 years, and it drove me insane!
Having to pick up after him, cook for him, clean for him, watch him get fat eating junk food, all just made me long to be alone.
So is it unhealthy NOT to ever want to live with someone or be married again? Is it age related (I'm over 40)? Maybe hormone related?

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I don't know if it's "normal" or not but I am in the same boat as yourself. I just don't have that urge to settle down. I went through premature menopause when I was in my twenties so hormones may very well have something to do with it. I only daydream about being in a relationship when I'm watching a romantic movie. Okay, every once in a while I'll see a handsome guy and think, ghee it'd be nice to date him, but that doesn't happen very often. I am not even the least bit jealous of female friends who are married or in a LTR. Perhaps it's because I've never been in a healthy relationship? My longest relationship which, lasted four years, was not a pleasant experience. After a year or so it wasn't fun anymore.
Anyway, I think you're fine ; ) And, I can relate!
I'm like this too. Although occasionally I'll have a some lonely days, but I Think those ares the days when my friends aren't even around. But since I broke up with my ex, I haven't once had the urge to be close with someone. I also wonder if there's something wrong with me sometimes. And I'm 25!
Its that desire to be passionate with someone is something I'm lacking... does that describe you too?
I can relate to a lot of what you said, but not all of it. I hated living alone when I was single; however, I was absolutely adamant that I would never live with a man again. I moved in with my bf of 3 years 3 months ago - purely due to circumstances and not because I wanted to. (I am 36 and he 39) Well, I can tell you this: there IS a way to 'live togehter independently'. For a start, we each have a room of our own and share the living room, kitchen and bathroom. This alone creates a huge feeling of independence. We sleep in our own room during the week - hence no sleep depravation/snoring/duvet pulling problems. We also eat at different times and different things during the week, and are both very happy with it. We often do different things in the evenings - he would be listening to the music in his room putting up posters or something, whilst I'm having my dinner and watching a bit of my 'relax the brain' nonsense on tv. Him with a pint of cider, me with a glass of wine - even what we drink often differs, although we both love wine and drink a lot more of it that would be considered very healthy lol. We don't watch much of tv, and when we do we easily compromise, or one or the other will do something else instead. We do our own food shopping. We don't incessantly phone/text/email each other during the day unless it is something current that needs to be discussed as there is really no need now that we see each other every day - he will normally just email me a couple of short lines once a day and I will respond likewise, same goes for texts, again only if there is something that he needs to tell me about events for later in the day/plans/changes etc. I would go insane if he was the sort of man who would bombard me with hourly 'where are you', 'what are you doing', 'when are you coming home' nonsense by text/phone or email. I absolutely will not ever entertain the idea of even revealing my finances to him let alone joining them with his. We share rent and bills in such a way that our financial affairs remain absolutely private; I would never dream of opening his post and neither would he. I don't clean or cook for him, I clean for ME as I am a major clean freak, and he is not a messy person. We go away for weekends with friends/relatives separately, and neither is in any way jealous or unhappy - we both understand the need for space. At weekends, he is my personal chef - literally every weekend. He does not eat junk food or get fat.. I feel EXACTLY like you do re: s** - I am not what you call a high libido person and joy of joys, at this stage in his life neither is he - once or twice every 10 days - 2 weeks keeps us both more than happy (sorry if it's TMI!!) Bottom line is, what I believe we have is some kind of 'separate togetherness' with just the right amount of spending time/doing things together and individually. Honestly, if someone told me 6 months ago this would be my situation I would not belive them. But amazingly, for now, it works. Touch wood, lol.
Edited 3/6/2007 12:45 pm ET by happychick1004
British..in London, UK... :)
I love having my alone time and my own space and my own life and my own identity and... Yeah, I don't know if I even want to live with a lover full-time. If so, GOTTA have own bedrooms!!! I get SO annoyed if I'm awake and a partner is blissfully unconscious right there next to me or in the same room - ugh! And I hate the "are you coming to bed with me or staying up late?" routine that's hard to avoid if you're sharing a bed/bedroom. And it's so much more fun to get together only a few nights a week. It's something to look forward to. Then the other nights, if I don't shave or shower, or if HE doesn't shave or shower, no problem!
I'm currently seeing someone who seems happy enough with my quirks in regard to how and when we spend time together. I have to make a point to plan weekend activities with other friends sometimes and to even plan for "alone" weekends sometimes because I NEED it to bring my best self to the relationship when we are together. Even if all I do with that time is iron my clothes and indulge in a fluff novel, I love to do that without someone inadvertedly distracting me because they're there doing something else.
For me, if this arrangement didn't work for him, the relationship wouldn't work for me. It would simply be too much of a compromise for me. I'd resent it or feel stifled or just somehow not feel right. I'd rather have a few nights of wishing to have a man in my bed than to have night after night of wishing I didn't have that man in my bed. : )
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