I LOVE being wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
I LOVE being wrong
7
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:48am

First I was mad because he wouldn't kiss me. Then I was embarrassed because he said he wanted to just be friends. Then I was mad because we got drunk and had sex. Then I just got really confused because I didn't know what he wanted or what his intentions were.

Now I am just 100% completely and totally smitten, and scared to death because the last time I felt this way I ended up getting hurt worse than I could ever have imagined. But I'm smarter now and I'm trying not to think about the likelihood of this ending.

He has been AMAZING these last few days. Three days after "it" happened he called me and read bible scripture to me, saying that we needed to pray about it. Ha! Usually when I tell a guy I can't have sex before marriage he's gone before I can kick myself in the arse for telling him such a "horrid" little secret. Sometimes the guy tolerates it. But this guy not only tolerates my beliefs, he encourages me and shares in my beliefs!

He fixed my car and even did research on the internet to figure out another problem that I'm having with it. He has been so sweet and he won't kiss me and it is so cute, because now I know it is a respect thing. He seems to want to take this slow and give us each room to learn about the other person. Yet, he makes sure to let me know that he's thinking about me and that he's attracted to me.

Kinda strange, but the sex was actually an icebreaker. Tee hee.

I'm having a hard time getting my feet to touch the ground, and I KNOW how this will end. I know from horrible first hand experience that the higher you fly, the harder you fall. And I will fall. I will be dissappointed. I can't even think about marriage right now, so I'm just trying to go with the flow and see where this will take me. But how do you balance it? How do I stop smiling to myself, or getting gushy when I hear his voice? How do I stop my heart from pounding at the thought of being close to him?

I know these feelings aren't love; I've mistaken them for love before and I was way off. And it isn't lust, either...oh, if I were of a different mindset we'd just have sex and get lost in all of that until it fizzled out. But there is no sex as a diversion this time (aside from that initial "oops") and I'm completely falling for the person that he is. I'm falling for his character and his passion; his motivation and enthusiasm for life. I'm attracted to way he visibly restrains himself from me physically(so cute!!)

Dangerous stuff. Very dangerous. I am in serious trouble here.




Edited 3/22/2007 1:54 am ET by writerchick007
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:53am

>>But how do you balance it? How do I stop smiling to myself, or getting gushy when I hear his voice? How do I stop my heart from pounding at the thought of being close to him?<<

Don't try to do any of these things. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Live in the moment. This is what separates us from the rest of the organisms on this planet. We might as well take advantage of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:55pm

Oh, I'd give anything to be normal :D LOL Normal people can do that. I think of it like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. You know how it is going to end, but you just enjoy the ride while it lasts. That's a great theory, however, in my warped mind, I'm going to delude myself into thinking that I'll land softly, despite all the odds. I'll completely forget about how this ended last time and I'll get completely lost in stupid dreams. And then when I do finally hit the ground, it's going to hurt all the worse for it.

Damn, when did I get so cynical? I guess I'm just gunshy because the last time I was hurt it was HAAAARDDD!!! Almost a year later and I'm still not completely over it...obviously. (although I am over him, just not what he did to me)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 2:32pm

I don't understand--was he lying to you when he told you he wanted to be friends?

Sheri

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 3:06pm

I know the feeling. I give this kind of advice because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I don't always follow my own suggestions.

It is hard to be optimistic once you've been burned. I'm living proof of that!

I hope things work out or you at least enjoy the ride for the length of time that the relationship exists.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 3:17pm
Hi Sheri,
No, I don't think he lied. He just had no intention of taking this to the sexual level (we are both Christian), so he wanted to assure me that those were not his intentions (it's funny how a little 'ol bottle of rum can change that, though LOL). Me, being me of course, took it that he meant that he "only" wanted to be friends.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 3:21pm

Ah, ok!!!

So given that, then why do you think this can only end badly?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 3:52pm

In this post I originally listed the reasons that I think this will end, but I edited this because there is no use in listing all the reasons. There are ALWAYS reasons why 2 people shouldn't be together - so I'm going to focus on the reasons we SHOULD be together and let the rest take care of itself. =O)

Writerchick is going to shutup about all of this and just ENJOY today.




Edited 3/22/2007 4:28 pm ET by writerchick007