I may have screwed up...help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
I may have screwed up...help
5
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 1:04pm
Three months ago I met a guy, we'll call him Jack. We exchanged business cards and after 2 weeks I chucked his in the trash because I hadn't heard from him. It didn't particularly bother me because that happens often enough not to stress. I saw him again a month later at an outdoor concert/party/bar. I was with another guy all night but saw Jack across a sea of people and hand signalled "NO call?" He signalled back that he'd been busy. I answered "No worries." The next night he called me. Eventually we got together for a drink and had an absolute blast. He's very attractive, manly (in a good way), intelligent and considerate...I was so surprised to enjoy the date. The next day Jack had to leave for the West Coast for a contract assignment with his company. It was something already scheduled before we had our date and he mentioned that he was sorry he had to go for the next two weeks. I really didn't expect a call until he got back into town but he phoned me 2 days later from the road and we talked for friggin' 4 hours. I have never talked to anyone that long at once...not even as a teenager all those years ago. He called again a couple of days later and we had another amazing conversation. He even confirmed a second date when he gets back. Then...nothing for a full week. Not really that much a problem for me but I picked up the phone last night to buzz him to see how his weekend went...got his voice mail and no call back. Did I screw up? I didn't even think it was the wrong thing to do before I made the call but as soon as I left the message my "girl thoughts" got rolling into the zone of OOPSIE...and I know I'm not calling him again FOR SURE because I felt instantaneously stupid after leaving a message. So did I screw up? And can I recover? This guy is really cool and would like to get to know him better. However, I won't die if I never hear from him again either. Know what I mean?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 5:47pm
But Deena, you jumped to a whole slew of conclusions based on that one incident.

"Sounds to me like he likes the intensity of the chase, the pursuit - but doesn't like the "mundane" (to him) aspects of dating - such as keeping a promise, reliability, etc."

**How can you possibly know this based on ONE unreturned phone call?

I also wonder what would happen if a man put as many limits on you as you put on men. Not talking for more than an hour? What if the man had a 15 minute rule? Would you be offended if he told you about it at fifteen minutes?

I think you're limiting yourself too much. Too many rules makes for a very unhappy person.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 3:08pm
I think the calling was fine- I think his failure to follow up speaks volumes - unless there is a very good excuse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 2:48pm
Yeah, no kidding. Don't worry, I already have a date tonight. I was just curious.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 2:17pm
Surprise, Surprise. I disagree with Deena!

He is on a business trip, and you've seen each other once. Talking for four hours is a long time, but it doesn't really mean that you have a huge connection. It means you are both good conversationalists.

Don't worry too much about it and continue to keep your eyes open (which I suspect you're already doing). You didn't screw up- you wanted to call, therefore you did. Not calling when you want to is playing games, and that's not good at all.

I really don't think he's a bad person. I can't know if he's a good person either. Right now, to me, he's just a person!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 1:56pm
Sounds to me like he likes the intensity of the chase, the pursuit - but doesn't like the "mundane" (to him) aspects of dating - such as keeping a promise, reliability, etc. My two cents - I would never talk to a new man on the phone more than an hour - if he wants more he has to see you and to do that he has to make plans - my guess is a lot of the 4 hours was you telling him your life story, your deepest thoughts, and maybe him sharing his with you - but that gives a sense of false intimacy sometimes and can scare someone away - so . .. . be careful next time.