I MIGHT have a date

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
I MIGHT have a date
5
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 4:10pm

Well, I ran into a girl the other day that I had not seen in over a year.

She used to work at a gas station that I go in frequently. I was eventually going to ask her out, but one day I went in there and they said that she was no longer working there.

Last week, I ran into her. I gave her my phone number and told her I would like to take her to dinner. She seemed interested, and I gave her my number. She had also told me where she was working now. I was really kind of nervous about asking her for her phone number so I did not. I kind of figured that if she wanted me to have it, she would have volunteered to give it to me.

I have not yet heard from her, but I will give it some more time, and then I will go and see her at her new job and hope for the best.

As some of you know, I have never been in any kind of relationship before, and have only been on 3 dates, all of which went no further.

So I have come to seek some advice.

Being that I have never been on a successful date, I was wondering what I should to on the first date (If she does take me up on it) to keep her interested.

In the past, I have taken a boquet of carnations and given them to her at the end of the date. Does this seem like a good idea, or is it a not so good idea? Are there any other little things like this I could do as a nice gesture?

Also, how far should I go on the first night? Should I try to give her a kiss? and if so, how should I go about it?

Say we end up going out to a movie or doing something after dinner. Should I offer to hold her hand? Or would this be too much on the first night?

Any help is appreciated. I have very little experiance with the whole dating thing, and hope you guys can help me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 5:16pm

Congratulations! I hope that she gives you a call soon.

Here are some pointers that may help you. First of all relax, you have no reason to be nervous. Think of the first date as a mini-interview...you know you're physically attracted to her but now you have to find a little bit more about her. As a woman, I look for good conversation on the first date. Don't monopolize the conversation though - even if she seems to be hanging out to every word you say, she may just be being polite.

Don't even thinking about kissing or hand holding - my guess this will just make you more nervous. HOWEVER, if there seems to be a really strong connection and she reaches out and touches you (arm, leg, back, etc) then recipricate if you feel comfortable.

Flowers make you seem desperate and might scare her off. Now if you guys were dating for a few weeks that would be different.

At the end of the date let her know that you would like to go out again (if this is the case) and ask if it's okay to call her, if she's interested she'll offer up her number. If she's not she may just say that she'll call you and then not follow through. It's harsh, but women deal with men that don't call all the time.

Good luck and stay relaxed, it's just dinner :)!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 1:23am

Congrats!

This may be a no-brainer to most but, I am very shy when I am getting to know someone so, if you are the same way, I suggest thinking of several topics you can toss out if there is a lull in conversation.

<> It seems like a really sweet gesture and it is but I think this is something that will be more appreciated once she's gotten to know you better.

<> If you aren't getting any obvious signals from her, I wouldn't suggest invading her personal space.

<> Again, look for subtle signs. If she keeps reaching over and touching you during conversation and you feel like she is really digging you, sure, I would go for some hand holding, why not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:02pm

Well, here is the update:

Today I'm kind of bummed out.....it's been a week now, and I never did hear from her. :-(

She seemed rather interested to, so I am kind of surprised.

She told me where she is working now, which is in the deli of a grocery store. I'm wondering if I should go in and hope that she is working when I go in there. I feel uncomfortable doing that though. I'm sure she will not be the only one working there, and I'm not really comfortable talking to someone about going out, while they are in front of other people. I don't want her to feel like I am trying to stalk her either.

What do you all think, should I just let it go, or do you think she is waiting for me to run into her again?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:54pm
I'm sorry, I forgot, where did you bump into her the last time? If this grocery store where she works is one that you frequent, I see no reason to avoid the deli section ; ) Just be as direct as you can possibly be, example: "Hey, I thought you may be working today. How are you? Would you like to get together for coffee sometime?" If she says yes, immediately ask her for her phone number.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:56pm

I personally would be a bit put off by a guy giving me his phone number and not asking for mine. So that might have something to do with her not calling. And I would NOT feel comfortable volunteering to give my number to a guy who didn't ask me for it! I'd be thinking, why is this guy expecting ME to do all the work and call him? Why isn't he asking for my number? He must not be all that interested.

I know that's not what you were thinking, but it's possible that's how it came across to her.

So next time, ASK for her number. If she seems reluctant, or if she hesitates, then say, "or I can give you mine, if you'd prefer". She might be reluctant for safety reasons, or it could be because she's not interested. You won't know until she either calls or doesn't call.

I think I would chalk this one up to experience, however, rather than going to visit her at her new job. That's just a little too much. If you happen to run into her again out and about, you could ask for her number, but otherwise, I think it's best to let this one go.

Sheri