I need to be more assertive
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| Tue, 05-29-2007 - 11:07am |
I really need to be more assertive in life. I get so angry at little things, and its mainly because I never take the first step.
I have a friend, and he's always talking to people first, making plans, trying to be everyones friend... god I hate him. Its not due to his personality, just choice of people he enjoys hanging out with.. mainly my ex girlfriends.
Anyway, I guess he went to my exs for memorial day and slept over there. Now I'm pretty sure he's after her roommate, but him and my ex talk all the time. (over facebook. For those of you unfamiliar, its a networking site like myspace geared to college students)
I would love to still hang out with my ex (not looking to back with her though)... She's a great person, and we broke up pretty much because it was a bad time, we were both too busy. So, I saw her a few weeks ago at a party, and we talked alot. He didnt really talk to her much, but he started messaging her all the time. He comes off as a nice guy, so not many people get annoyed at how persistent he is. Anyway, although I dislike him, I should take some notes, and just make plans. I've always been the type of person who doesnt plan out things, just get invited when somethings going on, and its really hurt me in many areas of life, especially in relationships. I hardly ever make decisions, like where to eat, what to do that night... I see myself doing it all the time, and am just never able to stop it. Its not even fear of rejected ideas as much as its just always drawing a blank when it comes to deciding things.
I know girls like confident guys, and this is one of the most passive things about my personality, I really need to work on it. :-/ I am fine meeting new people, getting along with people one on one, and just making good first impressions.. this isnt my problem, its just taking the next step and taking some initiative in life. I sell myself short when it comes to girls, and even looking for a job. I need to stop this!
I need to not worry about rejection, and just go out there and do something.
another long post that is more of a rant, and less of a question.

Haha, I rant on here, too, no worries. :)
Anyway, yeah, that might help you. I have the opposite problem, I can be too assertive, which leads me to continue dating guys that are sometimes only half interested. I tend to be the type that when I want something, I try damn hard to get it and I can be somewhat impatient. So, I've tried to lay off making plans all the time, being the one to initiate everything and not just in a dating sense, like you said. Eventually initiating plans all the time tends to make you feel like no one else really cares enough to actually make any plans with you, even though it's more likely that the people in question just don't feel the need to initiate plans because I usually do. BUT I've also dated guys more like you that actually HAVE been interested in me, but eventually I just get frustrated with their unassertiveness (ok, I don't think that's a real word). Of course, I'm on the other end of the spectrum, so that might be part of it.
The point being (I did intend for there to be a point somewhere in my ramblings), there's a happy medium in there somewhere, and I'm getting there. Good luck to you getting there as well. :) For what it's worth, you seem like a nice guy who has his head on straight, so you'll figure it out.
I feel for you. (-: I am in sales and anything but shy. But I have not been single again very long and that "blank on a date stare" does happen all to often. LOL I am 46, and clubs feel . . ."to young" . .. men my age with 20 something's . .. not so good . .. . . and dinner only works so many times. (-: Still figuring this stuff back out my self.
I find events in the news paper . . .wine tastings . . .just something different than allows you to spend time talking, not just staring at a movie screen . ..
bump..........
Lots of bumps, sorry, just wanted to move the more legitmate threads (the non troll ones) back up the line.
:)