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| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 1:45pm |
I cannot stop sobbing right now.... I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. I knew him before we dated for quite a while. He chased me and I ignored him and flirted with him from time to time. That was our thing.
Until I finally opened up to dating him. It was awesome feeling. To finally have a man who told you how you made everything in their life brighter. Feeling his love in hugs and kisses, knowing that he loved just being near you. We talked about marriage and our future together. I would move out of the city and into his place in the burbs. I was ready for all of this... He took me to bed and breakfast and the Bahamas... And I would often wake up to him just carassing my face and telling me how much he cared. We even adoped an adorbale dog together.
Eight months later I am finding from meeting his parents that he's had numerous DUI charges in a different state. He told me he only had one, which was a long time ago. That he has a habit of making women fall in love with him and then he wants nothing to do with them. And finding him on Adult Friend Finders. Which I did not even know existed, but is a place to find people to screw.
How do I date a guy for this long, believe his promises and fall for all of this? I know he has strong feelings for me. Yet, towards the end of our relationship he was picking me apart all the time. Things were not adding up in my head and I snooped and found text messages from a girl. All the time he tells me he still wants for his future.
He has problems. Obviously. So much more then I could ever have imagined. How did I not see this? How do I move on and trust again? I loved this man with all my heart.
I just don't get it. I just don't know how to move on.
I had no problems being single. I quite enjoyed it and being with him in the beginning was a little hard for me, because I had to surrender to my love for him. Not an easy thing. Now I don't even know how to go back to my old life. I want those promises he made me...... This pain is so unbearable.

Did his parents tell you all of the "bad" things, or did he admit to them?
That sounds all so familiar. Plain and simple you said yourself that he has a problem making women fall in love with him and then leaving. Why do guys do that anyway? Who really knows maybe for their own insecure reasons. Maybe their intentions weren't all that good to begin with. When you first meet people they put on their best to disguise who they really are. Just remember a leapard doesnt change his spots; whoever was text messaging him he will end up making her too fall in love with him and then he will leave her too after it gets hot and heavy.
Since prior to him you had no problem being single you shouldn't feel awkward returning to being single. Just remember all the stress free days you had before you got with the guy who totally misrepresented himself to you. I dont know all the surrrounding circumstances but I was in a relationship with someone for 2yrs who I wasn't even remotely physically attracted to at first, he wasn't even my typical man. Then after we broke up I spent an additional 6 months being mad at myself for even dealing with such trash. I knew really deep down no matter what he said and how (he acted on the surface) he really wasn't the one for me. So keep your chin up and use this experience as a learning lesson. But you do have to move on or you will stagnate and lose your sense of self of you were before you even knew who he was. Is he really worth losing your mind over??
Sadly enought not all relationships end up the way we hope they will.
Most of us go into a relationship, thinking that this time around I've really found "the one". That this man/woman is everything I could ever dream of. That this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with...have children with....grow old with.
And reality hits us...this person isn't so perfect, as we "thought" they were. All people have their faults. But times, some faults cant be over looked.
If this guy is doing things behind your back and his hiding things from you. Who's to say it won't continue? I think deep in your heart you know what you need to do. And I know it's a hard place to be in. I've had my heart ripped out of my chest more times then I care to recall.
But it's pretty clear from the information you've given. It's time to hold on to what's left of your heart...and move on with your life. Lick your wounds, be alone for awhile...and when the time is right...the right man for you will come along. You dont been to be with someone, that doesn't apparently love you like he says he does. If he loved you half as much as what he said he did, then he wouldnt be cheating. Nor would be lying to you or hiding things from you. That's no way to have a relationship.
A relationship should be based on trust, openness, and above all else communication. Without those three things for a foundation...there is NO relationship.
I know it hurts right now...but the pain doesn't last forever. You just need to close this chapter of your life..and move on to something and someone much better. Someone that will love you and respect you. Because this guy you're with...doesn't respect you at all.
I wish you all the best of luck!
I learned mostly about him, through him. I just did not know the severity of them until his parents were here. I did not know he had a history of making girls fall in love with him until his step-mom told me. It's not intentional. Nothing he does is intentional. I know he goes into these relationships with an open heart, but sometime after one or two months, something changes for him. And I do not know if he will ever break this cycle. Ever.
I guess I was "lucky" enough to last eight months longer AND I was the one who broke up with him. He has issues. We talked last night about why he does what he does.... He told me about his past relationships and we figured out the reason why he does this is due to divorced parents and not wanting to be hurt, even though he is still hurting himself in the end. But I do know for a fact that he has not had feelings for anyone like me in ten years.
The girl who texted is just a friend. I was just getting upset about things and he was treating me differently, so I thought there must be somebody else. The texts could have been read one of two ways. One of flirting and being inappropriate or just innocent. I chose the flirting route and broke up with him. Now I trust it was innocent after we talked.
As far as being on the website, he only started it after we ended. It's been recent, as he did not have a computer while we dated. So I guess I have no right to be mad, but I am. I cannot explain why, either....
I just know that his parents loved me. I agreed to meet them after we broke up because as he put it, "I have been a large part of his life for the past eight months and he wanted them to meet me". They even told him that if I am not the one he is supposed to end up with, he will never find it, right in front of me.
But he has issues and I guess I am better off. It just does not feel like it right now. And I am not sure when it will go back to feeling normal again, either.
I'm sorry kcole! I hope you find peace soon. There arent too many other things I can say without sounding really corny and cliche, but I'm thinking of you :)
Ruby
Oh, I am so sorry you're going through this. It is really hard to have trusted and loved someone and then feel so betrayed.
I'm not sure I have any golden words of wisdom, but just wanted to let you know I sympathize and wish you well. BIG HUGS.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Hey girl,
Not too many words could make you feel better. Cry it out, and as annoying as it sounds, it will get better with time. It will! I like to bury myself in busy-ness at times like these.. Anything I can get involved in to distract myself from even just a minute of thinking about my heartbreak...
Hope you feel better soon. Eventually, you will be glad you had this time with this person not only for the memories you created, but also from what you learned from the situation. As far as trust, it is never not a gamble one can make. But if you feel strongly about something, you trust it and take it where it leads you.
I am curious on how does a guy make you/girls fall in love with him? Sounds like I can use some tips.
Mark