I need a support system!!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I need a support system!!
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 10:33pm

We all do.  And that's part of the reason we all want a relationship.  Or at least most of us.  There are just those times when you can't deal and you need someone to lean on.  It's usually about that time that someone (my MOM) decides to lean on me.  I have people who think they are supportive, but really they are either waiting to tell me how to live my life (my MOM, or a particular coworker), or they are waiting for their turn to talk and really aren't supportive at all. 

All I could think about tonight was how I was upset and had no one to call and vent to.  Yet when someone (my MOM) needs to vent or whine or complain, she calls me then gets upset b/c I don't freak out over whatever she's freaking out over like she is.  Or when my girlfriend gets her panties in a wad b/c her jerk of a husband looks at her funny she comes whining to me, then she gets mad when I lose interest after the first half hour of her drama. 

I just feel very much all alone, and I hate it.  Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. 

I just need someone to care.  Right now, no one really does.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 10:56pm

Why do you feel you need a support system? Can't you just learn to be happier alone, like I did? Do you really want someone else's drama in your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 11:24pm

I agree, we all need a support system.  It may not have to bein the form of a romatic relationship, but I think we do need unconditional support.  No one should feel totally alone.  I know it's not the same thing, but we really are listening around here.  And we do care.  There are some very thoughtful responses on this board.

I consider myself lucky that I have a mom and sister who do provide this type of support, and some good friends who chip in with support as well. 

What I want at this moment is for someone to tell me, "It's going to be OK."  I am taking a big exam on Thursday, and feeling really unprepared.  If I fail, I have to wait 45 days to retake it.  SInce it's a licensing exam, it's going to look awful to future employers if I fail.  I've been studying, but it's one of those things you could study for years and not memorize everything, so how much is enough?  I can't tell.  Anyway, there's no way to know if I've studied enough except to take it.  My friends who have taken it already are convinced I will pass - but I can't shake this feeling I am going to fail.  I could postpone the exam until next week, but....I am rambling.  My point in posting was to let you know that there were people out there to hear your vent.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 11:39pm
Thanks, confused. The problem with posting publicly about needing someone to lean on is that there is always someone- sometimes more than one- who thinks you don't need what you really know you need and that ends up making me feel worse. I hate that there are people like that out there, but there seem to be far too many lately.

What's really on my mind right now is that one different move/choice by one of the many guys I've been into who haven't given me a chance could have completely changed my life. I talked to a guy years ago I met online and we seemed to have an amazing connection. Yet we never met in person because he just disappeared. What if he hadn't? What if the most recent one had called? Or the one before that? It may seem like a small thing to them, but one different move could make all the difference.

I'm sure you'll do fine on your test, although I know how you feel. Sometimes I don't even tell my class I'm giving them a test because it'll stress them out too much.

I'm going to try to sleep. Far too many things on my mind right now, and sharing them just isn't possible, I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 10:49am

Shy;;  You are normal in wanting a support system.. It is very important to have one .. I want one too.

Like confused thank God I do have my family and friends and neighbors because if I didnt have that I would totally be in the dark.

I think its tougher on women than men.. Men seem to do find without a support system but women need that .. Heck I would love it if someone would take me out and spend money on me or drive me somewhere or just tell me things will be fine... Or like we say go with us to the doctor or whatever....

We are not meant to be in this life alone but we are and have to find other ways of support..

I would think maybe taking bubble baths and taking walks and getting hair done at the salon could help .. Nurturing yourself is good.

Just my two cents!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 11:12am



I have a suggestion for you: next time before you respond to someone, THINK first, how about that??

Unbelievable. :smileymad:


Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 12:07pm
Of course sometimes I am pleasantly surprised, but I tend to stick to the motto than one can only truly rely on themselves.

Sometimes when I am feeling like this, I'll go do something nice and unexpected for someone. I know you've done a lot for your sister lately so don't take that as a suggestion. I'm just sharing . . .

Coulda's, Shoulda's, Woulda's . . . if it makes you feel any better, I'd bet that most of us have several of "those" in our history. I know in my case, I actually pushed a couple of them away either out of sheer stupidity or immaturity - perhaps even both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 3:27pm

Wish I had better things to say that could cheer you up or give you an 'A-ha!' moment.  

I have the same feelings of being alone and hating it, at least at times.

And even if we do have strong family support (which I do in my mom), most of the time it is so hard for me to open up and ask for help, say I need a shoulder.

And really, there are just times I want a partner.  The support in that regard is different. (at least in the good times)

You seem so outgoing and involved with people that I would assume you had a vast network of friends.   I realize not all of them would be the ones you could call and just vent.....

I'm sorry.   We go on our merry way, smiling, laughing, being supportive and to look around and realize you are ALONE is really heartbreaking.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 11:12pm
I do have several casual friends, but only one who is always going to be there. She's still hurting from her mother's death a few months ago, so I try not to burden her too much. She's also almost two hours away. Sometimes I really just need someone physically here to be with. There's something incredibly comforting about cuddling up on the couch with a man you know cares about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 4:16pm

I'm glad these boards are here for women to vent and get support from other women who understand where they are coming from. I'm also sorry there is always at least one dick-wad (and yes females can be dick-wads too) who think that because they feign fierce independence and 'happy to be alone' syndrome that you are wrong for expressing your feelings, and for even having those feelings at all. Those pathetic souls are non-factors. Pay them no mind!

Sometimes my greatest support system is my best friend. She knows more about me than any other person in the world. I can tell her anything. Do you have a best friend that you feel comfortable sharing with?

I find that the older we get, it's harder to make friends and as people's lives change they aren't as available to us as when we were all young and single and getting through life at the same level. Just understand that as much as you need a support system, they need one too. Sometimes it helps to feel privileged that they trust you enough to open up, and value your input enough to ask. That's one way to feel better about your situation--help someone through theirs. It sucks when we want to be selfish, and only care about ourselves, but I take it as an opportunity to learn unselfishness, which I'll need once I'm in the relationship I desire.

Hope that helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 10:31am

Hi Shy,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way - especially because you have really been one of the most supportive people here in terms of relating to others and providing positive feedback.  That being said, I do appreciate all of the other posters as well - they have been incredibly supportive to me, particularly in facing issues that only single people can understand.

I'm sorry too that people tend to lean on you, when you are the one needing support.  Maybe because you are so understanding?? I have been in that situation where you're struggling and then someone calls you and goes on about their problems.  As most of you know, I've been struggling with the move situation (bad landlord, packing, mould.......the list goes on!) and my dad has called me a few times to lean on me about his relationship problems with his girlfriend.......I mean......how does THAT work?? lol.

I think at the end of the day, yes, we do all need support and we get it from different sources here, depending on our situations.  If its any consolation, you sound like an extremely bright and outgoing individual - I hope you find what you deserve..........

Mel :smileyhappy: