I posted the ad...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
I posted the ad...
13
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:23pm
I actually reactivated an old one, and found two emails in the inbox that I either forgot about or didn't know I had. They were dated 7/30/02! I guess I was too into K to worry about them!

My search on this particular site yielded 12 men with pictures in my area(none of which interested me) and 52 total. There were a few without pictures that seemed okay. I sent an "interest" signal to one, but I worry about it not having a picture. Just to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with here, I was just logged in there and on the IM feature popped up a guy from Tulsa. Clearly out of my 25 mile range, but it gives me practice. His profile consisted of question marks, and his conversation was "Hi." "How ru" and "lol". That's ALL he could say. Sheesh!

I guess I need to find other places to post an ad, but it seems like everything is affiliated with a particular popular site that pissed me off last year, and I don't want to go back there. I might have to, though, to get any sort of responses. (FYI, for those of you even *thinking* about posting SPAM promoting your own personal site...it is against TOS and will be removed!...Back to your regular post now!)

Another thing I'm struggling with this time. Last time, I always checked "a few extra pounds." I've lost 25 pounds total now, and although I'd like to lose more, and I know I'm still overweight, I'm a whole lot more average now. I guess I shouldn't check it yet, though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:05pm
Hi shywon, I ran across your post and thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. I'm a 25 year old guy, college grad, and I've been single since I left college. I've tried online dating a few times and I have never and will never post a picture online. It's not that I consider myself ugly or anything, it's just that I honestly don't feel comfortable doing it. You go to rather excessive lengths to conceal your identity only to then post a picture? Granted, it's not likely that you will encounter any problems, but you never know. My friends seem to agree with me, including those who I have met online. All I am saying is don't give up on someone who hasn't posted a picture they might suprise you and turn out alright. I've had a good deal of success in meeting people who don't post pictures. I just look for signs that someone is relatively social, intelligent, and honest. For instance, the last girl I met who's become a good friend exclaimed in her profile that 'she despised people who drove SUV's'. Well, to some people that makes her seem extreme. I saw an honest person.

I also share your frustration with the online sites. The big site that seems to own all the others is full of software glitches or 'features' as I like to call them. Once I sent an email to a member and in the course of delivering the message the system changed the second half of my text to giberish. What a great first impression. Fortunately, she didn't assume it was my idiocy! LOL! Best of luck to you.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:37pm
Thanks, Dr. Jones. I did post my picture b/c I know a lot of guys are so "visual" that I won't get many responses without it. I also can't understand something- maybe you can help. Why do I get men from ALL over when I clearly state that's not what I want? Why do I get 37 year old men when my cap is 34? Why divorced men when I clearly say I want someone who has never been married??? I say "intelligent", and I get men whose profile is one big long run-on sentence! My third graders can write better than some of these guys!!

Right now, a 37 year old divorced man who lives three hours away is trying (and I emphasize trying) to converse with me. So far, he's come up with complimenting my looks (a plus, but if that's all he can say...), telling me he'll "protect me", and asking me to come visit him b/c there are too many "dudes" where he lives. Ahh...this is fun, isn't it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 10:08pm
Hi,

I also get a lot of responses from men who clearly don't fit my criteria - live far away (thousands of miles away in some cases), are older than the age I specified, are separated (i.e., still married), etc. I think there are just guys who join the online dating services and write to EVERYONE. I also think some of these guys have commitment issues and intentionally seek out relationships that have no chance of succeeding. I had one guy write to me who lived almost two hours away from me (too far!) who wrote in his profile that he had free long-distance in the evenings and could travel on weekends! In other words, he wasn't even looking for women near where he lived, he was actively seeking out a long distance relationship! The first few of these I got, I wrote back and said, you live too far away. Now, I get way too many so I just delete them.

As for the guy who wants to "protect" you - just to share my experience - I've not had good experiences with guys who use knight-in-shining-armor language in their profiles. One that comes to mind is a guy who pressured me for sex VERY early on, and continuously throughout the short-lived relationship. Not to say they're all like that, but it doesn't sound like you're very interested in this guy anyway.

Oh, and as for the body type - I don't know what size you are, but people on online sites play VERY fast and loose with the body type answer (who knew that 99% of men have an "athletic and toned" physique?!). So if you are near average, I think it's fine to put yourself as average - average is a pretty broad range, really. Especially since you said you have a picture posted - a guy will see your pic and he'll know where in the "average" range you fall, so you won't be deceiving him. Good luck! :-)

ginger

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:16am
You're right about mr. protector. I'm not interested, and I never really was. He wrote like a teenager would online. I need periods, please!! I was keeping the convo going for the fun of it. He was so cheesy!

There is another guy that I wasn't interested in at first, but after he sent a picture, suddenly I was much, much more interested! Of course, he's divorced and has two kids. :( I'm still going to keep in touch with him, though, because he could be a friend. He's funny and seems fairly intelligent!

Just to add on the body issue thing...As of yesterday, there is not one pair of pants in my closet that don't fit, except the ones that are too big!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 1:43pm
Greetings and salutions! Shywon, I can tell you exactly why guys who don't fit your requirements email you. From a guy's perspective, what have they got to lose? What is the worst that will happen if they do email you? The worst that will happen is that you won't respond or you'll write back and say 'no thanks'. At that point, are they really any worse off than they were before they emailed you? You never know how firm some people are on their requirements (caps). I must confess I am guilty of sometimes disregarding caps. I once wrote to someone who was 29 and looking for someone who was at least 27 years old (I was 24). She did write back and we actually met. My personal take on this situation is that there are no rules. If I can meet the girl of my dreams by taking a chance and being unconventional, then conventionality be darned. If I read your profile and I see something that makes a significant impression on me then you better believe I will try to contact you. But, I am realistic and there are limits. For instance, if I live 100 miles from this person then I certainly know better than to actually contact this person. If I have children then I am not going to contact someone who isn't interested in children. I know it might be irritating or even frustrating hearing from people outside of your cap, but they are only looking out for themselves same as you.

As far as writing like a 3rd grader and complaining about all the 'dudes', well that's a fairly good indicator that he's single for a reason. And in my opinion, if a guy is telling you he will 'protect you', that's in very bad taste. If you want to say that in a intimate conversion on the 3rd or 4th date that's probably fine, but not over IM during an initial conversation. Makes you wonder if he's just looking for an emotionally insecure girl for a particular reason.

Avatar for alicea825
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:43pm
I, too, posted an ad on an online dating service. It's been up for about a week now and I've been talking to one guy in particular that I've found I have a lot in common with. Both of us posted photos, so we know what each other looks like and we've found that we actually worked for the same company for about a year together and didn't even know it! I had posted ads before, but took them off about 4 months ago, but decided to take a chance and try it again...maybe my chances are finally paying off! I got tired of being set up or trying to meet people at the bar and I'm really tired of being single. Even though it's only been about a year, I feel I'm finally ready to seriously start dating again, and ya know what, it feels really good!

Good luck with your online dating experience, and let us know how it's working for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:14am
Funny you mention online personal ads. I posted one on a popular site where I have an email acct. and got NO responses. I mean NONE. I later found what I wanted on my own, so I deleted the ad. Wouldn't ya know, yesterday I'm checking my email and there are 2 "we've found matches for you!" emails in there!

I have pretty much given up on the ads. I think most men who post, and read ads can't read. I say "NON-SMOKER, SINGLE/NEVER BEEN MARRIED, and CAUCASIAN", and what do I find in my emails? Someone who smokes, is divorced and not Caucasian, or any combination thereof. Hel-lo, STOO-PID! I'm afraid to see what would happen if I specified "3-DIGIT I.Q. REQUIRED".

I deal with enough foolishness and ignorance at work, I don't need it in my life.

It's Tuesday... I think I can make it through the week.

summer 2010 sig by Tara

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 10:28am
Ahem...what do you mean that you later found what you wanted on your own? Do you have something to share, Miss Pooh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 9:01pm
Not a lot to share... my friend who took me to the New Year's party and I managed to spend some quality time together during the summer. He admitted that he has liked me for a while and didn't want to say anything earlier...

...We have agreed to table the issue and re-visit it when I go home for Christmas.

summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:35pm
hello dr

You posted this message a while ago but I'm just reading it now. I have a question for you since you say that you don't post a photo in your online ad.

Sometimes I receive messages from men who don't have a photo posted (I do have one posted). If I like how they sound in their profile, I ask that they send a photo. Sometimes, I've been pleasantly surprised - other times - quite disappointed. I never know how to respond if I find that I'm not at all attracted to the guy.

The simplest way is probably just to stop corresponding...but I've tried that and I'd keep getting emails from the guy asking if I got the photo he sent. And you can't exactly say "Sorry, I don't find you attractive." So let's suppose you sent a photo to a woman and she didn't find you attractive - how should she respond?

jhoover

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