I shall remain single

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
I shall remain single
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 5:34pm

After really dodging a huge bullet and being scared pretty bad I have decided to give up on men.  They (at least the ones I have met) are the scum of the earth!  The most recent man I met online I really liked just by phone conversations.  We were going to meet on Friday.  Luckily I am a very non-trusting and paranoid person.  I dug very deep and found out that this man was convicted of rape 2 times.  God only knows what may have happened if I would have met him in just 2 days from now.  I am sad that the world is like this.  I am sad that I can't just date without having to be paranoid :'-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 7:54pm

I can see how you would be freaked out by this but you can't assume that because one man was bad, that therefore all men are bad.  Certainly you must know friends and relatives and friends' BFs who are decent men.  I think it would probably be better to look for dates in situations where you can get to know the person first before dating rather than doing OLD which is more risky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 9:49pm


Hi. Sorry to hear you had this experience. Are you sure it was the same guy, not another guy with the same name, who was the convicted rapist? Rapists, especially ones convicted twice, tend to be in jail for a while and not dating online. Anyway, as a man, I can assure you there are plenty of us who are upright individuals.

One thing though, on a blind date, it's always good to meet at a public place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 5:53am

Oh ya, I'm sure it was the same guy.  The first one was actually in a newspaper article I dug up online.  At that point I was not sure because it was years ago.  But the second one was more recent as was his photo and I am 100% positive it is him.  But it's not just him alone that is making me yank my profile (although it was a scary one and the icing on the cake).  There was a guy that  called me at 1 am drunk and another that blew me off because I had 1 date with 1 man from the workplace.  Lets not forget about the man who sent me nude photos after talking 1 time.  It's true......I am an idiot magnet and I give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 12:09pm

Well then I am still going with what I said before--if you had occasions where you could get to know men as friends before dating them, then you could weed out most of the idiots in advance--no guarantee but at least better than talking to strangers on OLD.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 3:11pm

If this guy has been convicted of rape two times, why the h*ll is he not in prison?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 6:10pm

He was in prison 2 times.  why the heck he still isn't I have no idea.  I can only see certain info not any details of the cases.

And to Musiclover......if I had occasions to meet men the normal way I sure as heck wouldn't have been online.  There really isn't many places to meet men other than a bar.  Although a bar is looking better after my experience with old!  With as much as I work I don't get out much to begin with, the online thing just seemed like it would be the easiest way. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 11-22-2013 - 1:53am

Please don't give up on finding 'the one'. He is out there somewhere and when you least expect it, you will meet him. I too am having a hard time finding someone. People keep telling me to give it time. The escort idea...although while tempting...I too couldn't just be intimate with someone without really knowing them and also I have to be attracted to him. Well since the holidays are basically here..it's the time for miracles so hopefully we'll all get our wish before the year is over. Lord knows we all deserve to find a nice decent man  to  spend time with..I do believe in miracles....do you?

That was scary though with you almost meeting up with a rapist......

You will find someone just as long as you don't give up..o.k?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 11-22-2013 - 1:55pm

I'm going to echo what the others have said.  OLD is always a risk......maybe not as risky as your latest, but just meeting jerks who lie on their profiles.......or are catfishing.  It seems like many of them are "hot to trot" and want to meet you within 5 minutes, and others who will put you off forever.  Or they lie.  I had one tell me he was "legally separated"......when in reality he and his very "legal" wife had separate bedrooms.  I had one who "honked" (sinus problems I guess) all thru a very otherwise nice dinner. 

I think you need to get away from your computer, and start socializing in real life.  Join clubs, take classes, do some volunteer work, just get OUT there where you'll meet all kinds of nice "like minded"  people, some of whom may know OTHER nice people.....and that's how you meet a decent, honest and real guy!  Hospitals are always looking for volunteers......there are a lot of young single doctors there! 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-22-2013 - 8:18pm

  First what do you want and what are you looking for?   2nd who are you?  How well do you know yourself.  When you are picking non-compatable men there may be a reason.   Self fufilling prophecy? Do you enjoy being single and the freedom that entails?

   It has to be what you want.  Not what you were told you were to want or what some TV or advice column tell you to want.   You could try Craigs list and be brutally honest naming all the requirements and that they would be checked out.  But getting yourself out and about will help. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:48am

Honestgirl, I love your attitude.  It's incredibly rare for a guy or lady to go from being single to being happily married with two kids and a dog via a straight line. Dating is fun for most folks but, it's not for sissies.  There are bumps in everyone's road.  If I wasn't happily married, I would love to meet someone with your kind of attitude.